Wednesday, May 20, 2009

TBWCYL Day 137 no wait, it is 139 - Now I am cheesed!

So, yesterday's task was to eat 100 oz of cheese and then see if it influenced my dreams. That means I was somehow supposed to eat over 6 lbs of cheese in one day and still be alive to write this. The book listed specific cheeses to choose from and what might come up in my dreams.

Gorgonzola (Vampires)
Brie (falling from great heights)
Gruyere (castration anxiety)
Danish Blue (zombies)
Parmesan (friends deserting you)
Emmental (going to hell)
Stilton (loss of loved one)
Rocquefort (general sweatiness)

So, after swearing off the eating of Gruyere for the rest of my life we headed to the store where I could only remember the Brie was on the list. I had 3 triangles of Brie in our cart when I saw that they sold Muenster and since it sounds like Monster and this is all about scary dreams, I instantly thought it was on the list and bought it instead.

I didn't buy 100 oz though. That is just impossible. I am pretty sure you would die, or get randomly attacked by hordes of guerrilla mice. I bought three 8 oz blocks in hopes that I could stomach that. I started strong by slowly eating the first block with crackers throughout the morning at my desk. I skipped lunch, as I don't think there was room for food, and as I drove home for the day, busted open a second block and ate it like a giant candy bar.

I couldn't finish half of it before I got home and we ate dinner and went and watched 'Angels and Demons'. We got home around 10:30 pm and I jumped back on and wolfed down about half of what I had left on the second block before I couldn't take anymore.I estimate I ate about 14 oz of cheese which seemed sufficient to try to influence my dreams.

I woke up in the middle of the night having just relived the entire movie of 'Angels and Demons' with me as the main character. I had placed a pencil next to my bedside so I could jot down any dreams that I had but sleepy and writing in the dark made for a series of scribbles that look to say
4 uat holy qty feet (I have no idea what this one is)
Sench chrohs (This was probably 'Search for Christ')
get to solve chans (I think this was 'get to solve case')

I woke up a second time to remember a scene where I went to my dead Grandparents house where I was a scene of by Granny attempting to get my Grandpa Pete out of a chair by pulling him out with a rocking motion. I stopped her and picked up my Grandpa by lifting his frail body out of the chair. He was light until I lifted him so I struggled with getting him into a recliner where, once in it, he fell asleep.

My final dream consisted of some type of secret location that I was taken to to be recruited for something. I remember a few key points.
1. One of the older sales people from my company was responsible for the kidnapping of me.
2. He went to get a cup of coffee and used sperm as creamer. I know this is gross but I just remember that is was in a giant tub with a spout and he dropped some in. It came out slightly orange.
3. The secret location had 2 ice cream stands, one of which had left a faucet running. I made sure to turn it off.
4. An old acquaintance of mine worked at the other counter. I stared at her for a while and Elliot from Scrubs showed up and told me I was in love with the girl. Then the acquaintance came and gave me a cookie.

I can't say that I blame the cheese for this because a lot of my dreams are weird. However, if I don't poop for a few days, I am confident that will be from the cheese.

That is all,


2 Ripples in the pond:

Addy's Daddy said...

I hope that you regularity comes back before you come to see me. I don't want the first load dropped at my house after three days of playing "Where's the turtle?".

Trinity said...

I think it will be ok. I haven't felt to heavy in the belly so I would expect it to pass pretty quickly.