Monday, July 31, 2006

Concert People are the Greatest

Man, what is it about a concert that will make people do such crazy stuff? Is it the 100 degree heat? Is it the $7 beer? Is it that they will sit on a grassy knoll just to hear "Open Arms"? Yes. This weekend my little buddy Thomas, and his lovely bride came down to let their dog pee on my couch. Oh wait, scratch that. They came to watch a concert of epic proportions that was Journey/Def Leppard.

We got lawn seats and they ended up being pretty decent. But the amount of crazy that surrounded us was unbelievable. Case in point. Lets say that you are standing at a concert with a bunch of friends and its around 9 o'clock. Def Leppard has just started playing and all of the sudden that 15th beer hits you and you gotta go. What do you do?
a) wait for a song you don't like and run to the restroom
b) hold it no matter how long it takes because Dammit, Def Leppard rocks!
c) whisper to your wife that you need to pee and get her to hand you a cup

Well, if you said C then you must have also seen the dude in the Union Jack shirt whip it out and take a leak while his wife and friends casually blocked the view. And what do you do with said cup of pee? Well, you sit it on the hill and ignore the fact that it spilled.

Along with this lovely sight was the pasty whiteness that was the fat ladies ass that Jessica saw as the woman decided underwear weren't really her thing. She was nice enough to try to hide under a blanket as she did it.

All in all, the concert was pretty good. I am not as big a fan of Def Leppard as the rest of the crowd was, but Journey rocked it and that's all I needed. There was also the story of the Alcohol triplets, but I don't want to blow your mind. So I will just let Thomas tell you that one.

That is all,


Thursday, July 27, 2006

Birthday Syndrome

Well, as many of you know my old lady had a birthday yesterday. She turned a whoppin' 24 and I am right behind her. So as I was getting a cup of coffee at work this morning I thought of something. You know how when you ask someone on their birthday how it feels to be (insert age here) and they say "Feels the same as when I was (year younger than age previously inserted)? Well I thought "Do we ever feel older?"

Think about it for just a second, I didn't. If every time you ask someone "How's it feel" and they always answer "Same as before" then we must never feel older. I feel fairly confident in making the blanket statement that everyone answers this question with the same answer, so it is now scientifically proven by me that we do not feel aging.

Now, sure if you ask how it feels to be 24 compared to 12 then you will get a different answer. For one thing, you will now have pubes. But if every year, you don't feel different than the day before, a time line will prove that at age 24 you feel the same as age 12.

Science is Awesome!

That is all,


Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Flashback: Fieldtrip to the Luxor

Well, for those of you who don't know, I used to keep a journal. I replaced it with this blog, so you should all be grateful for your involvemnt. It was very simple, consisting of one of those black and white College Composition books. I decided today I would reach back into those journals and share a day that was very interesting. Looking back, I read how incredibly crappy my day to day life was, but sometimes interesting little tidbits occur. Hell, if this works out I might do more of these. So I present to you "June 5th 2004. My commentary will be in red.

"Diana and I went to the Luxor tonight with Dan. I tried to get everyone else to go but they wouldn't.(My friends suck) After Erin's party, I came home and got ready and laid down to rest until it was time to go. Diana called and told me she was tired and tried to weasel out of going. I got ticked off and told her she didn't have a choice.(You hear that? That was the whip cracking) She came over and we left. We had to stop by the ATM and while we were there, Diana's card got stuck in the machine.(Only on the way to a gay club would the ATM eat a card) Dan paid our way in and we had a lot of fun.(Thanks Dan)
This was the 1st gay bar I'd ever been to and it was interesting. It was really dark and there were screens showing men dancing and kissing together.(They were also doing other things but I didn't mention it at the time) The bartender was cool. He would bow to us every time he made a drink.
Dan, Diana and I all danced to Techno, which I am surprisingly decent at. She and Dan get along great and I sat out some with Dan's friend Brandy and a cop named Officer Kissime(His actual name, not a stage name) who bought us a shot. We were sweaty and tired by the time we left but came home and had mind blowing sex for an hour.(This is what I wrote, I did not doctor this so apparently I must be an excellent lover)"

So this is what I wrote the first time I went to a gay bar. Looking back on it, it really was an awesome experience and I am glad I wrote it down. Especially when I am short on creativity for the Lily Pad.

That is all,


Monday, July 24, 2006

Break Time

Well, we had a whirlwind weekend with Dan and Dustin. We completed the tradition of eating at Macaroni Grill and went to the Allen Outlet mall. We went and saw "Strangers With Candy". We shopped til we dropped at the Galleria. We had alot of fun with them and can't wait for them to come back.

But now that they are gone, Whew! I am exhausted. I feel fat from eating out so much, no matter that the food was great. I didn't get nearly enough sleep the last couple of days and I am not actually sure when I will be able to catch up on it. I am broke now. Oh wait, I was always broke. Scratch that last one.

I love when people come to visit. It is a little break from the mundane that is normally my life. I get to show them places that I like and usually whoever is visiting will be up for things that I want to do. It gets me out of the house and makes me experience life. It also makes me feel lazy because I normally see that I am a homebody by the end of the weekend.

So, give me a few days to recuperate and then bring it on again. This weekend, we get Thomas & Jess. We also get Def Leopard and Journey. Luckily, they aren't as crazy as "The Gays".

That is all,


Thursday, July 20, 2006

I need a drink

Boy Howdy. I have been working like crazy the last couple of days(note lack of posts). I have just taken on a position with my company as the Accounts Receivable person and during my training I am keeping my old job as well.

It has been a hectic first week training. The last two days I haven't had a lunch hour and to top it all off I have been going to work early to offset some stuff. I am craving a beer to relax so I am going to have to wait on Diana to get off so we can go find dinner and a happy hour. Heck, the last couple of days have been so busy I haven't even picked up a book.

I need a rest. Luckily Dan and Dustin, the Gays as my mom likes to call them, are coming into town this weekend for a visit. This means I get too talk comic books and penis' all weekend long. I am so excited. I might even go to a gay bar and play some Mrs. Pac Man.


That is all,


Monday, July 17, 2006

The Inlaws is comin'

Well, its finally happening. Diana's mom and stepdad are coming to visit. They never made it to our old apartment and now they are finally stopping into town for a couple of days to do some sightseeing and go to Six Flags and Hurricane Harbor.

This visit, of course, means that we will inevitably have to clean. Luckily we have other guests coming this weekend so cleaning was already on the agenda. I always have a problem when people come to visit because I am never sure how to entertain them.

My dad came a while back and, while I think he had fun, I was constantly uneasy about making sure that he was enjoying himself. Lucky for me, Diana's parents aren't coming to stay with us, just visiting for the evening. I am all together positive that I couldn't keep them entertained all weekend.

I suppose going to dinner will be an easy way to get their visit taken care of, though I am sure that I will only hear conversation about the wedding(which can't come fast enough in my opinion). Plus we will be having two 14 year olds as Diana's stepdad is bringing his daughter and a friend. Wheee!!!

Oh what joy I have to look forward to on Wednesday. I guess comic book day will have to be postponed until Thursday.

That is all,


Sunday, July 16, 2006

If I were a rich man...

Yesterday, we went to the Horse Races. Horse Races are when a bunch of silly people look at a book that has tons of information that they really don't understand, and then they look at the horses name and pick the one they like the best. Then they put money that the horse they pick will win the race, or come in second or third.

Yesterday at the Race Track in Grand Prairie, it was Dollar day. That means that parking, entry into the park, beer, soda, and hot dogs were all only a buck each. Diana, Erin and I, along with one of Erins friends, decided along with the other bazillion people that this was too good a deal to pass up.

The great part about this all was that I walked out winning. No, I can't retire but I went in with $10 and had I not blown $8 on two bad bets, I would have walked out with $20. Instead, I ended up with $12.70. But, hey at least I was a winner. And I did loose a litte before my winning streak started, so I did pretty good.

And boy howdy, a hot dog for a buck was a good deal. I only ate one, but just the idea that the plentifulness of the hot dogs is enough to make me smile. I can only assume that Dollar day was initiated yesterday because it was going to be about 100 degrees and they new that there was no other way that people would go. Still, it was a lot of fun.

Oh the possibilities for my big profits, I guess I will be able to get tea for a couple more days from Chick Fil-A now.

That is all,


Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Biography of Newt

Hello all, today we delve into the psyche that is Newt the Wonder Frog. My biography is this: I am constantly trying to become something better than myself. If you don't have anything to say, Stop Talking. I just don't care!

What? Better than you already are. That is impossible you say, and I can't blame you, I am pretty terrific. Terrific is a funny word. Terrific, I like that. Anyways. I will now regale you with the Biography of Newt.

I am a six foot tall blob. I am forty pounds overweight and I am trying to get better. I have a 4o dollar a week habit that is worse than drugs because it is legal. That addiction is comic books. I am happy about 60% of the day, and the other 40 is spent at work. I constantly pick my nose. So what. Quit judging me about it. I like to stick my finger up there and dig. So sue me. I will alternate fingers to adjust for the density of a booger. And, I occasionally bring them to my mouth before I catch myself. This is like an alcoholic who almost drinks. I used to eat my boogers and it is still embedded into my mind that as soon as a finger leaves my nose, it should enter my mouth. But I do stop myself. I haven't consumed snot since 7th grade.

I am constantly trying to be funny. I will tell jokes that will make people laugh. I will also tell jokes that don't make people laugh. And when that happens, I make fun of myself because they will at least laugh at the paltry excuse for a human that is in front of them.

I love Diana. This is what really defines me. That and reading. I used to only read comics but then I discovered this lost art called books and I have never been the same. If you don't read, well SCREW YOU! It is a sad day that a book doesn't do it for you.

I hate people. Not persons, but people. Crowds make me angry. Mob mentality has never made sense to me. Think for yourselves you fudging sheep. I don't cuss much, as my last sentence shows. I want to but I don't. People are stupid. That is a fact. What one person will deem unacceptable, a group will deem acceptable. And that is just ridiculous.

I hate my fat. But I live with it. My sister makes me angry beyond comprehension. She f*#*s her life away and then expects help. This is why people make me so angry. Individualism has left the building. I am tipsy. I like to masturbate. Quit judging me. You all do it, you prudes. Stop acting holier than thou.

Humanity should probably be wiped out and we should just start over. But, as I have a disbelief in GOD, this can only happen as a natural disaster and they seem to have the bird flu under watch. So I guess I will just have to keep on going. That's what we will all do. Ride the Wave!

That is all,


Wednesday, July 12, 2006

You Like Dat?

Well, I am so very proud of myself. Last night, after about an hour of playing with it, I finally got a picture placed in the sidebar of this very blog. I have to say, whoever came up with HTML is a smarter man than I. I really don't know exactly how I did it. I used some code that I found from a help site and then played with it until a picture appeared.

So now, I will be keeping you abreast of my reading habits. I will be trying to keep this updated so hopefully I can keep it up.

That is all,


Tuesday, July 11, 2006

What a Novel Idea!

I read a TIME article last week that posed the question "Who's the voice of this Generation?" It went into how throughout the years, authors have put out work that seemingly defines that generation, yet right now there is no real voice for people in the new millennium. It traces F. Scott Fitzgerald to Hemingway to Salinger to Kerouac to Heller to Vonnegut and mentions a few people I have never really heard of as the later generation comes along.

I never really thought about this before, but I guess its true. Most authors now days right drivel, and the few that don't are either underappreciated or way to specialized to be considered our "Voice". They did mention two awesome writers that I personally read as candidates for the voice, but their age sort of keeps them out of the running.

It is interesting to think that throughout the last 100 years we have looked at a generation by the novels they read. Books like The Sun Also Rises and On the Road helped define their perspective time periods. Yet now it seems that The DaVinci Code and The Atkins Diet sell more that introspective books. I linked the article below.,10987,1209947,00.html

I guess when it comes down to it, we really won't have our own "Voice". Certain people will connect with one writer, while others will discover someone completely different. Our world has evolved past having one "Voice". We are just too different. Instead, we have to carry on a "Conversation".

That is all,


Monday, July 10, 2006


I am feeling a little depressed today. I was at work and one of the salesmen dropped off some papers at my desk. He called me later to ask if I had found them, they were directly in front of my computer and were as tall as a ream of paper. He said "Just wanted to make sure you found them since you weren't home when I dropped them by."

Not Home? As if I live at the Jarvis Press. Oh, wait. I do! I spend more time there than at my apartment. I have my own phone line, which is more than I can say when it comes to the house. My screensaver comes on and comic book covers appear. I can't even think of the last time I was home long enough for my laptop to have a screen saver turn on.

It almost makes me sick to think that the average person puts in more time at their job than they do at home. We make work as tolerable as possible. Putting up pictures, bringing our coffee mugs, maybe a radio or an oscillating fan or space heater.

I just heard "Not Home" and the rest of my day was ruined. Not to mention I found out how muh weight I need to loose to be considered not overweight. And I got a long way to go. I hope to be able to salvage what little time I have at home this evening. Of course, I just put five minutes into this blog, so I guess I don't have anything too pressing going on in my life.

Woe is me,


Mama Mia! Here I go Again...

So, last night I was dragged to another of the Dallas Summer Musicals. This time it was Mama Mia. The musical incorporates most of ABBA's music as it tells the story of a girl who is about to get married and at the same time trying to figure out who her father is. I will preface this all by saying that I did not want to go see this show. I can't stand ABBA's music. It grates me.

Saying that, the show was Awesome. It was funny and didn't use all of the cliched character designs that most of the musicals we have been watching do. I laughed out loud at most of this show. The story was almost endearing. I was pleasantly surprised.

I think the reason I liked it so much was, while ABBA music was used, ABBA wasn't singing. All of the songs were used to tell the story and weren't thrown in for no reason. And, at the end of the performance the entire cast came out on stage and sang and danced. It felt like I was at a concert.

I highly recommend this musical, which is saying a lot.

That is all,


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Reading is Fun...demental

I have been rather lacking in this weeks blogs. Sorry about that. That stupid Holiday has made me all turned around. So, I wanted to post today about people who don't read. These people, and I term them "Stupid", are the people that "Just wait for the movie" or "Don't like to read."

I am going to stand on my soap box for this post. I know that it would be too much to ask that every person read a book. Hell, I would be happy if everyone set a goal that they read one book a year. But that doesn't happen. I wish I knew the statistics on how many people over the age of 18 have read one book in their adult lives. You would be surprised at how low that number probably is.

Why is it so difficult for someone to read a 300 page novel but the level of laziness is high enough that they can sit and watch four hours of whatever drivel is on TV? I firmly believe that there is a book out there for everyone. Now trying to find it poses the problem. I can pick up a novel and not be able to put it down. Why can't other people?

The level of stupidity in America is rising daily and I can, with great confidence, say that it is due to people having a negative attitude to read. Maybe we should reinstitute the Book It program, but for adults. For every book they read, they get a free bottle of beer...or something like that. Being an avid reader, it really pisses me off when I know without a shadow of a doubt, that if I asked a coworker if they had read so and so book, that their answer is no.

There, now I feel a little bit better. I think I will relax and finish the book I am reading.

That is all,


Monday, July 03, 2006

It's Independence Time!

It's that time again. Time to celebrate the independence of our great country. And what did I do this weekend to celebrate my independence? By independence, I mean I was left all alone for four days, but I digress.

Friday. Dropped Diana off at airport signaling the start of "Independence Weekend." After aerobics, I watched "Night Watch", read Lost by Gregory Maguire and played Paper Mario.

Sat. Went and saw "The Devil Wears Prada" and "Click", read Lost by Gregory Maguire, and played Paper Mario. Also watched Snatch.

Sun. Went to grocery store, read Lost by Gregory Maguire, and played Paper Mario. Seeing a trend here? Also watched "Stripes" w/Bill Murray.

Mon. Worked a little, there's something new. Finished reading Lost by Gregory Maguire(Yah!), and played Paper Mario. Also watched "Almost Famous." The only real noteworthy thing was that I did get to try a new Tai place, so there's that. I went to work out but the class was canceled so I went to Half Price books and found a memoir I have been itchin' to read.

You know, I am all for that independence thing, but I just don't think it fits me so well.

That is all,


Saturday, July 01, 2006

I am a teenage girl

This afternoon, I decided since everyone had left for the weekend, leaving me all alone that I would take in a movie. What did I go see but the new Anne Hathaway film "The Devil Wears Prada" Most of you that know me can attest to my love of teen flicks. This movie is alittle to that vein and the estrogen level of the movie could be felt in the theatre as I was the only male in there.

No matter the stars, the movie was good. It was the coming of age story of a girl who gets a job at a fasion magazine and her trials in realizing what she wants out of her life. It was very formulaic but otherwise enjoyable. But no, it was no Ella Enchanted.

I also snuck in to "Click." Yes it was wrong of me to watch the movie without paying but really, it was "Click." Another six bucks to watch a movie about a man who gets to see how he doesn't appreciate his life and realizes it too late, then wakes up from the dream he is having so he can change it all. It's been done and Hollywood still hasn't figured out how to fix it.

That is all,