Monday, November 15, 2010

Did I shave my chest for this?

I may have made a grave error in judgement.

I was laying in bed last night while Diana was feeding the baby and decided that today was the day that I was going to shave my chest. Why? Hell if I know. I just did. I haven't looked down to see a hairless chest since before puberty and whenever I hold Gracie she has a tendency to grab fist fulls of my luscious sweater and pull on them. So I thought, "Why not?"

It took about 15 minutes in all and I was very surprised to see how incredibly pale I am. I am used to seeing dark hair all over so to look in the mirror and see a nice yellowish pink is shocking. I didn't tell Diana what I did and waited until she was getting ready for bed and walked in. She looked at me and instantly did a double take and exclaimed, "You are so pale."

I sit here today with regret as I feel the gristly sensation of my shirt rubbing against my stubble. I didn't use a razor to shave, just my beard trimmer, so it isn't smooth at all. I am afraid to hold Grace without a shirt on for fear she will either latch to my man-boob or get razor burn from my skin. I was going to post a picture of what I now look like but it might be looked at as pornographic since I resemble a naked fat chick from the waist up.

Also, there were apparently some stretch marks that I was unaware of that the hair has been hiding and I don't want those out there for the world to see.

That is all,


Friday, November 05, 2010

My Fresh Prince remake

This is a story all about how
my life got flipped, turned upside down
so I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there
to tell you how I became the dad of a little baby girl.
(musical interlude)

In West Texas oil land, born and raised
in the comic shops where I spent most of my days
Hanging out, reading and excelling in school
and then eating like crazy til I was real full

When I headed to Tech just to get me some smarts
went to a party where the drunk girls are
I got in one drinking game and my fate was shut
She said were making out tonight but not before I throw up
(musical interlude again)

I challenged her to date me and oh what a dear
her degree plan said Accounting and she had junk in the rear
If anything I could say that this girl was rare
so I thought, Dallas rocks and I made my home there(with her)

5 years later, I pulled up to the hospital just around 8
and I yelled at my wife, Shit were having a baby
Gracie came in the morning, kid was finally here
and since then she has been under our care.

That is all,