TBWCYL Day 125 - I thought a Horoscope was a sex toy

Today's task is to follow the stars by following my horoscope to the letter. The problem is, the book lists my horoscope, for Virgo, as "Single? Today hit on someone whose name starts with K and ends in D." I don't know what to do because I am not single. I did forget to wear my wedding ring today but that is a total coincidence.

So, I got on MSN and found a new horoscope.

"Your probing mind may be detecting a bit of a hesitation from a close loved one of yours, dear Virgo. It could be that either a family member or a romantic partner is the one in question at this time. Perhaps this person is suddenly pulling their energy back. Beware of doing the same without first understanding the original cause for this action. Jumping to conclusions is extremely detrimental to the relationship."

I don't feel like my probing mind is detecting anything though. I don't question my wife. She was pulling her butt cheeks closed last night in bed because she had some really bad gas, and I was pulling my hands to my face to try to avoid the smell, but that was more my probing nose that detected that.

I am not really sure what the heck this means though.

So, I checked the Dallas Morning News and guess what? "You're almost in a position to generate a lot of money. Can you tell which way to turn? When you figure it out, be there first." What? I was shooting for some lotto numbers or something. And it said my day should be an 8 on a 1 to 10 scale. That hasn't happened.

This was not helpful. In fact, horoscopes are stupid. They never say "Avoid 2nd Street" or "Don't pass gas on the elevator, it has an important person riding with you". It is so generic and that is why people fall for this crap. I guess I was meant to gleam from today that horoscopes are only good for me to laugh at.

That is all,

Newt