TBWCYL Day 90 - Taka my wife...please Taka

So, I think I just crank called a Bangladeshi woman. It is 1 P.M. in Dallas and I just tried to complete my task. I think I may have been duped on this one. The task is this.

"Today help collapse a currency! The Bangladeshi Taka is currently under pressure at 58tk to the US dollar.(FYI, this was written before the general downfall of the dollar) If every Book owner buys 100 Takas this year and then sells them on December 31 at 4:55pm Bangladeshi time, the Taka won't be worth the paper it's printed on. To participate, simply call the DFE, Dhaka Foreign Exchange with your credit card details on: (88 02) 9667712-3."

So, I have spent the last 4 hours trying to buy Takas. I have done a currency calculation on 100 Takas and that ads up to about $1.45 US. I was trying to avoid making a International call so I called my Bank, Wells Fargo, but they do not deal in Takas. They also didn't have a suggestion as to where to get them so I got on Google.

The national bank of Bangladesh offered a bit of info on the Taka, but had no real useful information on getting some of the damn things. I spent 15 minutes clicking on links to different banks in Bangladesh to see if any offered a purchase option. Then, I spent 10 more minutes looking at different governmental links to see if any info was to be had there(did you know Bangladesh has a Prime Minister? Who knew?). Finally, I just gave up and decided to call the DFE.

It took me about 5 minutes to figure out how to actually dial a foreign code on the number, the US code being 011 to get out. I found a great website that tells you how to dial abroad. So, I dial the number and it rings, or at least I thought it was ringing. It made a sound resembling a drowning cat, which I can only assume is the tone the Bangladeshi people chose for their telephone system. It occurred to me that there might be a time difference and was about to hang up when a woman's voice said "Hello".
"Hello? Is this the Dhaka Foreign Exchange?"
"(giggle) No, this isn't the Dhaka Foreign Exchange"
"Oh, I must have the wrong number"

This was followed by some awkward silence and a quick goodbye.

I looked back on the Bangladesh Bank Website and they don't list a Dhaka Foreign Exchange and Google doesn't bring anything up when I search it. I think I have been had.

That is all,

Newt

p.s. If anyone has any idea how to buy foreign currency from Bangladesh, would you please tell me. I don't count this as a failed task but I would like to buy these.

TBWCYL Day 89 - AAAARRGGGG!!!!!

Before I say my task today, let me just say that today was stressful. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, no idea what was causing me to resist slumber so much but there you go. Also, the economy sucks right now and it has caused our company to slow down quite a bit. Because of this, I have been made aware that layoffs are eminent. Don't worry, I am safe but I was told layoffs would happen today.

So, all of this made the day go by slowly. Layoffs must have been postponed as well because they didn't happen and now I get to go through all the anxiousness again tomorrow.

So today's task was welcome, specifically due to the nature of it. Today I was to let out a primal scream. I completely recommend this if you ever have stress and need a healthy release from it. I had a tightness in my chest as I started to get a good breath of air to do this. I inhaled, reved up, and screamed as hard and as loud as I could.

The dogs were in the kitchen with me for the start of this task but by the end they were both cowering in intense fear. When Hazel looked up at me with her tail between her legs and her body pressed to the floor, I couldn't help but laugh. As soon as they realized I wasn't directing it at them they proceeded to start chasing each other around and fighting one another. We have some weird dogs.

My stress isn't gone but is is lessened by screaming. I guess when you are told as a child that you shouldn't raise your voice, your parents didn't consider the therapeutic uses for it.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 88 - Here to Pump (clap) You Up!

I had to measure my bicep today and learned I am a girly man. I topped out while flexing at 14 inches. Apparently that makes me 'average to good'. If I had been under 9 inches the book people would kick sand in my face and call me a weasel boy. Close call on that.

I have never really been one for building muscle. I don't hate it but building fat is so much more efficient of my time. I don't have to try to do that. I guess it could have been worse so I won't complain much.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 87 -Morse Chod

I got drunk last night but I'll be dammned if that didn't make yesterdays task even more fun. We rolled in last night and I headed to the utility drawer to grab a flashlight and headed upstairs to send out some Morse Code signals to the neighbors. The goal being to see if anyone came back with answers.

We have a small porthole window in our upstairs bedroom which was perfect for this task. I cracked the blinds and began to send out
___- ___ _ ___ _ _ - - / - ---- - -- -- -- ___-
which means 'Good Evening'.

The chances that my drunk ass actually did that correctly is pretty slim. I didn't get any responses but I would guess that is because everyone was asleep.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 86 - Mean Streets

Today, I had to go to the "Other side of the tracks". First off, I am from the street so nothing scares me. That being said, there was no way I was going to the bad neighborhood at night cause I would get F#(ked up.

I actually work on what many people would consider the "bad" area of town so this task was as simple as taking a different way back to work after a customer call. I rode up Irving Blvd. which is a sketchy area of town in Dallas that is mostly warehouses but at night transforms into a scary area. I have had to work late before and in doing so thought my car was going to get stolen. Our building has been vandalized twice and cars have been broken into.

Some of the things I saw on my drive?
- The Cool Breeze Motel which looked like an old line of storage units that got turned into a motel.
- The Lucky Lady strip club. This is probably the cheapest topless bar you could ever go to. It is about the 100 yards x 100 yards and the only girls that could work their are over the age of 50. I have never been in but one day I might just have to dare to dream and go for the gold. Also, I guess that any prostitution that occurs in this place happens across the street at the Cool Breeze.

There are multiple warehouses, rows and rows actually, that inhabit this area. I can only imagine that nefarious deeds are perpetrated there on a daily basis. I know street races use to be a common occurrence but I believe they finally got shut down...or at least moved.

Thinking on it, I should fear for my life when I go to work.

That is all,

Newt
- I also found a liquor store, which is actually good to know about.

TBWCYL Day 85 - 99 Red Balloons

I released a red balloon into the sky today. It was my task. I went to a local party shop and bought 1 red balloon. I stuck my business card into it and had them inflate it. I brought it home.

Here I am with my balloon. I am sad I have to release it into the wild.

It was windy so it flew away quite fast. I lost sight of it after about 20 seconds. I only knew you for a little while, red balloon, but you sure seemed to have a bubbly personality. Nothing could keep you down, that's for sure.

I leave you with the chorus to Red's favorite song.

"Ninety-nine red balloons

Floating in the summer sky

Panic bells, it's red alert

There's something here from somewhere else

The war machine springs to life

Opens up one eager eye

Focusing it on the sky

As ninety-nine red balloons go by"

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 84 - Johnny Appleseed

Today's task was simple. Plant 2 apple seeds somewhere close to one another and wait 20 years to have unlimited apples. I hit the grocery this evening and go me a nice, shiny Red Delicious and came home and cut out a couple of seeds. We had a good rain today and it made planting the seeds much easier.

I hate to see the look on someones face if they start to grow and we have to sell the house. Not easy to explain 2 apple tree sprigs in the back yard.

That is all,

Newt

Spider-Sense...burning?!?

So, I just read the coolest story in the history of Thai firefighters. You can read it here. Essentially, Spider-Man is real and he lives in Thailand. He is apparently pretending to be a firefighter. How cool would this be?

I am going to go stand on a ledge and see if I can find Iron Man.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 83 - Phone a Friend

Well, I may have failed at another task. Today, I was supposed to call someone and discuss with them the time difference and how it is so arbitrary. Oh, I was supposed to call someone in another country and do this, almost forgot that part. Well, I would love to but I know all of 2 people in other countries at the moment. Not that I didn't try but I failed.

We use a program called Skype which is great for talking to Diana's brother while he...Oh wait!!! They are chatting back with me. Haha. I have victory. Mwahhhahhhahhahha!!!!

Here is the chat conversation. Please ignore capitalization.

M: hey diana, this is megan.
N: Hey, its Trinity. Whats up?
M: hey, nothing much
N: How are you liking Germany? Check out this nonchalant chit chat.
M: I'm liking it. the weather is just like Texas. but, i am going to head back to bed. is everything ok
N: Yeah. Why? See what I did there? Like I didn't know I woke her up.
M: ah, just making sure. i will let Steven know y'all were wanting to chat. he is asleep right now
N: What do you mean? Now I pretend I don't know why she is getting off the chat.
M: its 1:00a here
N: Ok? I thought you wanted to chat No I didn't, I knew she didn't want to but I am now skirting the blame.
M: haha, just heard the skype phone ringing
N: Oh crap. I am so sorry. No I'm not. I didn't realize it called you. Yes I did. I turned it on and it just rang. I am a liar.
N: I guess thats why the time difference is such a bummer. Sorry I woke you. I felt kind of bad about it actually. But there goes that talk about time zones.
M: haha, its ok. we just wanted to make sure everything is ok
N: I didnt think it was calling Another lie.
M: nah its okay
N: We are good. Goodnight
M: ok, good! good night!

And that is how you jack with your might-one-day-be sister in law. She is living in Germany and as far as I know is unemployed so I don't think she will be too put out by this. She did turn the Skype profile to 'Offline' though.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 82 - Lotus = Death

Today's task was painful. I had to sit in the Lotus position for 30 minutes which I cannot do. The book laid out that I was to put my right foot on my left thigh and my left foot on my right calf. I did this for about 10 minutes and the pain in my ankle was so intense that I almost cried. It felt like I had twisted my ankle after a bad fall or some other minor catastrophe.

I gave it about 20 minutes and switched position to have my left on my right calf. It was less painful and I spent 20 more minutes on the floor sitting and watching the last of 'Heroes'. This was sadistic. It definitely wasn't Zen.

That is all,

Newt

The first rule of Fight Club is...

So, my best friend and his family went to Houston and Austin this week and I found a disturbing picture from their photo website. It seems with the economy on the downturn, people are turning to new sports to earn a little extra cash. I didn't realize my friend was in such dire straights because it seems he is allowing his 10 month old to compete in Baby Fight Clubs for money. I am looking up the number for CPS as soon as I post this appauling image. Not for the faint of heart.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 81 - Fly Paper

Well, today's task was next to impossible so I had to improvise. There are no house flies in my home today and the weather has yet to produce them here in Dallas. So, I present to you: 'Swatting The Fly'. I ask your forgiveness in advance. Speilberg I'm not.

This is a first because it was the first time I have hurt my book in doing these tasks. It was an unintentional maiming I assure you.

That is all,

Newt

Say Anything...anything at all

I am Lloyd Dobler. I had this realization about 15 minutes into watching 'Say Anything' for the first time. I have meant to watch this movie more times then I could count. For years I have recognized the references to it in Pop culture, I knew John Cusack started his big run as a fast talking, lovable everyman with this flick, and I figured it was good because it is such a staple of the modern romance. Plus Ione Skye was a hotty back in the 80's.

I just didn't know how good it was. It was unlike most romances. The story of an underdog who actually gets the girl of his dreams in the first 15 minutes without having to go through a lot of bullshit was nice to see. Not to mention that it had a lot of the normal romantic comedy elements: father who doesn't approve of relationship, overly dramatic declaration of love via jambox, and idiotic cast of bumbling sidekicks giving really crappy love advice, but it overcame them.

I loved that the plot drew out in a completely different order than I expected. Get girl, loose girl by her choice and not because the guy was an idiot, girl makes her own decisions and chooses guy for the right reasons all while guy doesn't give up on the love he holds for her.

I remember having some of the feelings Lloyd expressed all through high school. That intense love one can only achieve through innocence, wanting to be with someone at all times, listening to sappy love songs and thinking they were meant for you and you alone. Ah, good times.

If you haven't seen 'Say Anything' you should. If you have then you will either go watch it again because you loved it or you have it memorized and can reminisce about it in your head. Either way you will enjoy yourself.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 80 - Would you like something to seat? or The Armchair is lovely this evening

Today's task adds no value to my life, however it does add some fiber to my diet. I am to begin eating a piece of furniture today. It had to be wood so I chose to use one of the kitchen chairs. Now before you go thinking our dinette set now looks like a dog went ape shit on it, let me explain the process. I was to take off a small sliver of the chair and eat it. I took my Swiss Army knife out and took a sliver about an inch long off the underside of the chair to get my snack.

I was extremely worried that in doing this I was going to end up with a splinter in my tongue, cheek or lower intestine which sounded extremely unpleasant. I have been chewing the sliver for about 15 minutes and it is now the consistency of something akin to wet cotton. It resembles a piece of wet tissue paper and tastes like paper which makes sense because paper is just wood pulp.

I don't see any use in today's task but what the hell. I ate a bit of chair today. I wouldn't have been able to say that usually so I guess this constitutes as my life having been changed.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 79 - Knowledge Able

So, today I was supposet to become an expert on today. The book listed a crap load of questions to help in this scenario but they were freakin' hard to answer. Here is what I got.

Weather in Zambia today: Weather.com stated 79 degrees & Mostly Cloudy
Number of Wars in progress today: Well, at least 2 because those are American based, but I am sure it is at least 5. There was no easy resouce for this
World population today: 6,767, 846, 339
Result of Sporting event today: I have been following the NCAA games so this one is mulitfaceted. My bracket has held a winning average though. Check ESPN if you need to know.
First topic on Jerry Springer today: Man leaves wife for Stripper
Middle East oil reserves today:
Number of astronauts in space today: 5 from Expedition 18
Percentage of faked oragasms today: None if I am involved. Seriously...that is not a real statistic.
Time spent waiting for phones to be picked up: Mine personally was about 5 minutes total
Moon-Earth distance at midday: 363,000 km
Horoscopes of Leos with Scorpio ascendants: I couldn't find this specifically but I did find this horoscope.
Your planet, the sun, should give you plenty of food for thought today. You may well want to literally broaden your horizons, as the focus switches to travel and environment changes. Sticking with the same old routines is safe, but dull. You’re perhaps now prepared to take a calculated risk!
Number of birthdays worldwide: I looked everywhere but couldn't find this info.

So, there you have it.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 78 - It does matter if your black or white

Today I had to evaluate how politically correct my circle of friends are. Turns out my circle is more of a line on this topic.

My wife, best friend, and almost all of my peeps are pale skins. I do know a couple of Mexicans that I would consider to be friends and not just casual acquaintances. The fact that I used the word peeps tells you that I am also of the fairer skined variety if you didn't already know. Sure I joke that I am black, but only from the waist down. My comic shop boss/pusher/friend is a Jew so I am pulling that one in just so I don't look like a complete racist. Other than that, the NAACP is not sending me an honorary membership. In my defense, most people don't like me so I can't say that I am surprised by this turn of events.

I suppose I should try to broaden my friendships with people in general. I don't know that color or race should come into play. I think having a token black guy around isn't really doing anyone a service.

Oh, I do have gay friends, does that get me any points?

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 77 - Symbol-ism

Today's task allowed me to utilize some of the awesome Adobe Illustrator skills I have gained in my profession. I was tasked today with making my own symbol. If you look in the upper left hand corner of this blog, you will see the new logo for this website, Newt. He is my new symbol I made and I think he adds a little bit of fun to the blog that it has been lacking. I am no graphic designer but I thought that it turned out pretty decent. If it looks too gay, though let me know.

I promise there won't be any unicorns or fairies popping up.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 76 - My dogs are keeling me...

I had to improvise on today's task. I was to wear shoes that were 1 size to small so that I could appreciate the feeling of taking them off at the end of the day. Problem is, I don't own a pair of size 10s so I stuffed my shoes with rolled up toilet paper to create a tight fit. It worked fairly well for a few hours but around 10 things started to flatten out.

I went to the bathroom and swapped TP for that ridiculously nonabsorbent brown paper that some companies claim is paper towel. I have to say, this may not have been the best idea. I got the feeling of cramppedness from the paper but it kept moving. So, I also got the feeling something was right underneath my foot all day. Not as annoying as a rock but not pleasant either.

I just got home and swapped into my cushy Vans and I have to say, 'Thank goodness'. My toes were beginning to go numb from the paper pushing against them. My feet actually tingle a bit. None the less, today wasn't very fun.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 75 - That's Amore

Today's task was probably more amazing had I done it when the book was first published. I believe it was designed to cause Anarchy. You be the judge.

"Today every Book owner is to reserve a table at Gino's for eight o'clock on the 4th of July next year. Phone number: (225) 927-7156
Gino's. 4542 Bennington, Baton Rouge, Louisiana."

On the page is a complete history of this restaurant and pictures of Paul Newman and Placido Domingo with the owner.

I called up and made my reservation. The guy wasn't too surprised, only unsure if they were even open on that day. We haven't decided if we will be dining there or not but at least now we don't have to worry if we have a table or not.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 74 - I'm thinking...

Today's post is about what I am thinking, or more specifically 'What I think'. This was one of those tasks that 4 years ago, I could have sent what I was thinking in to the no longer functioning area of thiswebsitewillchangeyourlife.com. Since that no longer is an option, I am going to tell you, my loyal friends and readers, what I think.

I f?<#ing hate Dairy Queen today. This Americana laden, ice cream cone dipping, Blizzard whipping piece of crap almost ruined my day today and I want to take that Bitch and rip her candy encrusted crown off of her DQ and beat her with it. My wife and I took in the 3D version of Coraline this afternoon. I love Neil Gaiman and this story was perfect for adaptation with stop motion animation. I waited to see it in 3D so I got the full affect. So, as per my usual routine, I went to Dairy Queen, which is merged with an Orange Julius in our local mall, to purchase an Iced Tea as I always do. We arrived at 11:55 a.m. to a girl at the counter and I asked for 2 Teas, to which her manager said "Sorry, not ready yet."

Excuse me? I jumped across the counter and forced his head into the soft serve machine. As his mouth filled with delicious frozen goodness I beat him over the head with a waffle cone and asked "Why the hell did you open if you weren't ready?" Then, I shook my head to dislodge the daydream I was having and we walked away disappointed. I was afraid the movie was ruined but I trudged on and enjoyed it none the less.

It brings me to the point of 'What I think' in that people take for granted the Iced Tea. American fast food workers suck. They think as long as they have the Coke and Dr. Pepper syrup flowing, that everyone is OK. Well, I AM NOT OK!!! I want tea. Iced Tea to be more specific. If it has sugar in it then you can suck my wiener. I don't like sugar in my drinks because there is no need. If you are going to open your shop, you better damn well have a fresh container of tea waiting, even if it never gets sold. When I worked fast food, that was one of the first things an opener did when they got there. It doesn't take long to start it and once you do, it takes care of itself.

Why am I penalized for not drinking sodas? Is this the new segregation? I already encounter a tea shortage every Wednesday at the local Whataburger when I go for lunch before my weekly comic book run. No matter what, they always run out before I can get my refill, as if lunch time were going to be busy or something. I invariably stand for 5 minutes while Xochie (Zoe-Chi) makes another batch. And yes, it is sad I know the names of the employees at the Whataburger. I just don't understand it. Convenience stores don't have tea, most restaurants think fresh brewed means the fountain has Lipton Brisk, and the people who do stock it don't consider it a real drink.

Tea Drinkers Unite!

That is what I think,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 73 - Collection

Today's task was not something I need to do. With a collection of comic books that hovers over 7500 strong, the last thing I wanted to read when I opened 'The Book' up to page 73 was "Get A Hobby". There was a list of hobbies to choose from, of which 'Count other peoples teeth' and 'Organize Fires' were just a couple.

So, I decided to go for the hobby on the list that wouldn't cost me anything, 'Set out to see all films with Morgan Freeman'. Luckily, not only have I already put a big dent in this hobby over the last 20 years, but I also have Netflix so I won't have to spend any money to work on this. So, below is every film that IMDB lists to have Morgan Freeman as a cast member of it. I took out all of the TV episodes he has been in and left me with 73 film, a few of which have yet to be released.

1. The Last Full Measure (2010) (in production) (rumored) .... Jimmy Burr
2. The Human Factor (2009) (filming) .... Nelson Mandela
3. The Maiden Heist (2008) (completed) .... Charles
4. Thick as Thieves (2009/I) .... Keith
5. The Dark Knight (2008) .... Lucius Fox
6. Wanted (2008) .... Sloan
7. A Raisin in the Sun (2008) (TV) (uncredited) .... Narrator
8. The Bucket List (2007) .... Carter Chambers
9. Feast of Love (2007) .... Harry Stevenson
10. Gone Baby Gone (2007) .... Jack Doyle
11. Evan Almighty (2007) .... God
12. The Contract (2006/I) .... Carden
13. 10 Items or Less (2006) .... Him
14. Lucky Number Slevin (2006) .... The Boss *
15. Magnificent Desolation: Walking on the Moon 3D (2005) (voice) .... Neil Armstrong
16. Edison Force (2005) .... Moses Ashford
17. An Unfinished Life (2005) .... Mitch Bradley
18. War of the Worlds (2005) (voice) .... Narration
19. Batman Begins (2005) .... Lucius Fox
20. Unleashed (2005) .... Sam
21. Million Dollar Baby (2004) .... Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris
22. A Remarkable Promise (2004) .... Narrator
23. The Big Bounce (2004) .... Walter Crewes
24. Guilty by Association (2003) (V) .... Police Lieutenant Redding
25. Bruce Almighty (2003) .... God
26. Dreamcatcher (2003) .... Col. Abraham Curtis
27. Levity (2003) .... Miles Evans
28. The Sum of All Fears (2002) .... DCI William Cabot
29. High Crimes (2002) .... Charles W. Grimes
30. Along Came a Spider (2001) .... Alex Cross
31. Nurse Betty (2000) .... Charlie
32. Under Suspicion (2000) .... Captain Victor Benezet
33. Deep Impact (1998) .... President Tom Beck
34. Hard Rain (1998) .... Jim
35. Amistad (1997) .... Theodore Joadson
36. Kiss the Girls (1997) .... Dr. Alex Cross
37. Chain Reaction (1996) .... Paul Shannon
38. Moll Flanders (1996) .... Hibble
39. Se7en (1995) .... Detective Lt. William Somerset
40. Outbreak (1995) .... Brig. Gen. Billy Ford
41. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) .... Ellis Boyd 'Red' Redding *
42. Unforgiven (1992) .... Ned Logan *
43. The Power of One (1992) .... Geel Piet
44. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) .... Azeem
45. The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990) .... Judge Leonard White
46. Glory (1989) .... Sgt. Maj. John Rawlins
47. Driving Miss Daisy (1989) .... Hoke Colburn
48. Johnny Handsome (1989) .... Lt. A.Z. Drones
49. Lean on Me (1989) .... Principal Joe Clark
50. Clean and Sober (1988) .... Craig
51. Clinton and Nadine (1988) (TV) .... Dorsey Pratt
52. Fight for Life (1987) (TV) .... Dr. Sherard
53. Street Smart (1987) .... Fast Black
54. Resting Place (1986) (TV) .... Luther Johnson
55. The Execution of Raymond Graham (1985) (TV) .... Warden Pratt
56. That Was Then... This Is Now (1985) .... Charlie Woods
57. Marie (1985) .... Charles Traughber
58. "The Atlanta Child Murders" (1985) TV mini-series .... Ben Shelter
59. The Gospel at Colonus (1985) (TV) .... Messenger
60. Teachers (1984) .... Lewis
61. Harry & Son (1984) .... Siemanowski
62. Eyewitness (1981) .... Lieutenant Black
63. Death of a Prophet (1981) (TV) .... Malcolm X
64. Brubaker (1980) .... Walter
65. Attica (1980) (TV) .... Hap Richards
66. Julius Caesar (1979) (V) .... Casca
67. Coriolanus (1979) (V) .... Coriolanus
68. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry (1978) (TV) .... Uncle Hammer
69. Blade (1973) .... Chris
70. Who Says I Can't Ride a Rainbow! (1971) .... Afro
71. Where Were You When the Lights Went Out? (1968) (uncredited) .... Grand Central Commuter
72. A Man Called Adam (1966) (uncredited)
73. The Pawnbroker (1964) (uncredited) .... Man on Street

The titles in Bold are ones I have seen and any with an * are ones I own. It does strike me as odd that Morgan Freeman made so many movies with Ashley Judd. I guess he didn't learn from his mistakes.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 72 - I wost my wattle

Today, I called the Sam Houston Elementary School in Midland, Texas to ask if they had my rattle. I was tasked with calling them and telling them that I had lost my rattle when I went to school there in 1988 during my kindergarten year with Mrs. Baugh. They didn't have it. They only keep the lost and found items until the end of the semester, in this case right before Christmas break and at the end of the school year.

They keep the lost and found box in the gym, which I find strange. Seems to me you would hold that in the office where the couch couldn't steal from it. That might explain why so many coaches always wore shorts that were skin tight. They were just taking kids shorts from the lost and found box and putting them on. Seems an odd way to gain a wardrobe. None the less, my rattle is lost.

In a related story, I did loose my Big Bird rattle. My cousin brought his bratty daughter over to see my Granny and she let her play with it while she was there. When it was time to leave, the little snot goblin wouldn't let it go so my cousin said he would bring it back later. It is still missing to this day. I think that sometimes hating someone is Ok, especially when you take a rattle that a little boy grew up with and wanted to give to his children. I miss my rattle.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 71 - Howdy Neighbor

Today's task was one I had to modify to do. It was to "Take your bus or train one stop too far, then walk and discover everything you normally miss." Well, I don't ride public transportation due to where I work so I couldn't do this. Also, it was close to 40 degrees today and I wasn't walking in that.

So, I modified this to use the car. I got in my truck, went and got gas, and took an entirely new road home that I don't ever take. We have owned our house for 2 years and I didn't know that these things were within a mile from our house. Here is what I discovered:

Christian Brothers Automotive Repair : They just opened
a FinaMart and DonutStop.
A children's park
the ghetto Oak Tree Village Apartments
Orchard Road Baptist Church
Austin Kent Ellis Park: it had a nice gazebo
Mrs. Bairds Thrift Store: I am so going to get me some discount fried pies

We also discovered that a local high school that we had only seen in passing has a community pool behind it with a freakin' sweet water slide.

The best discovery was, we have a cross street very close to us that in the 2 years I have lived in the neighborhood, I have never turned West onto. I drive East all the time but never West. Well, we threw caution to the wind and took a left down an unknown street and discovered a shortcut that will cut half the drive off of my return trip from the grocery store. 2 years. That's how long I have been missing that shortcut.

Thank you Book.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 70 - I don't do well at tests

Today I was tasked with taking a quiz to find out if I am a Psychopath.

The score chart is as follows.
0=Not at all
1=Sometimes
4= All the time

1: Glibness/Superficial Charm = 1
2: Grandiose sense of self-worth = 1
3: Tendency to boredom/Need for Stimulation = 4
4: Pathological lying = 1
5: Cunning/Manipulative behavior = 1
6: Lack of Remorse = 1
7: Shallow affect(monotone voice, blank expression) = 0
8: Lack of Empathy = 1
9: Parasitic Lifestyle = 0
10: Poor Behavioral Control = 4
11: Promiscuous Sexual Behavior = 0
12: Behavioral problems early in life = 0
13: Lack of realistic long-term plans = 1
14: Impulsiveness = 4
15: Irresponsible Behavior = 1
16: Failure to accept the consequences of Actions = 4
17: Many Marital Relationships = 0
18: Juvenile Delinquency = 0
19: Callousness = 1
20: Criminal Versatility = 1

Total Score = 26

The book says if I hit 40 I should call a doctor. I guess I am safe.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 69 - Size matters

Today I am tasked with downsizing some things in my life. Some example the book gives are the dry cleaner, cable TV, and friends(they can really get expensive when you factor in birthday and Christmas presents, not to mention when they start having kids.) The problem is, it wants me to cut someONE out of my life but since I don't have too many people to cut, I am going to do someTHING. So, I took a good look at the excess in my life and here is what I have come up with.


Lets get the elephant in the room out first. You are all thinking "Newt, you could cut back or stop buying comics." Well, you can all kiss my butt because we both know that will never happen. But, to save some cash I have made a couple of decisions. From this day forth, the ban on the good Dr. Pepper is back on. That also goes for Mr. Pibb and that Sprite that bothers me sometimes when I go outside. I will go back on the wagon and get off of carbonated beverages. I figure this will save me anywhere between $20 and $50 a year.


The second big event was that I have formally handed over all of my credit and check cards over to my wife. She has stated that I will now get a cash allowance for all purchases so we should be out of debt in about 2 weeks. Eat that ECONOMY!!!


That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Update Time Day 63

It seems like some of these events are getting responses this week. Apparently my World Record will not be logged into the Guinness Book. Below is my rejection letter.

Dear Mr Trinity Vaughn,

Thank you for sending us the details of your recent record attempt for 'Longest consistent Urination'. We are afraid to say that we are unable to accept this as a Guinness World Record.

We receive over 60,000 enquiries a year from which only a small proportion are approved by our experienced researchers to establish new categories. These are not 'made up' to suit an individual proposal, but rather 'evolve' as a result of international competition in a field, which naturally accommodates superlatives of the sort that we are interested in. We think you will appreciate that we are bound to favour those that reflect the greatest interest.Guinness World Records has absolute discretion as to which Guinness World Record applications are accepted and our decision is final.

Guinness World Records may at its discretion and for whatever reason identify some records as either no longer monitored by Guinness World Records or no longer viable.

As your record application has not been accepted, Guinness World Records is in no way associated with the activity relating to your record proposal and we in no way endorse this activity. If you choose to proceed with this activity then this is will be of your own volition and at your own risk.

Once again thank you for your interest in Guinness World Records.

Yours sincerely,

Mariamarta Ruano-Graham
Records Management Team

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 68 - De-lightful, De-licious, De-toxing

So, today's task has revealed a few things that I wasn't positive of about myself. 1. I have never almost passed out and 2. I can go all day without barely eating. Due to my size, I thought the second point impossible.

Today's task? To go on a one day Detox. Today, my diet consisted of

Water with lemon juice and sugar
2 apples
more water
tea

I began with a breakfast of lemon sugar water. I followed that up with more lemon sugar water until lunch. Then I got to have a meal of 1 red apple. Very tasty. After lunch I went back to more lemon sugar water with regular water for dessert. I partook in a couple of cups of hot tea, one peach and one tangerine orange. That lead to dinner where I ate another apple. I was going to try to avoid that but light-headedness sank in and I had to breakdown and eat.

I am currently lightheaded and have a slight headache, which appears to be right in line with what I am supposed to be feeling. The book claims this detox will expel some of the toxins from my body. After 4 days in Austin drinking and eating poorly, that is much needed. I never understood what Diana was describing when she told me what it was like to faint. I think I am starting to.

I think I am going to go pass out now,

Newt

TBWCYL Update Time Day 41

I cannot believe the Office of the Prime Minister has nothing better to do but I would like to send a special thanks to Mr. R Smith for sending me such a helpful letter to my Knighthood request. I also didn't know but apparently the Brits use a standard 11 5/8 size sheet for their letterhead.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 67 - Hair today, gone tomorrow

Today I am supposed to pick one hair that I will let grow until it is 1 yard long. I have chosen the hair attached to a small mole on the wrist of my left arm. It is already about an inch so in about 7 years it should reach maturity. Gaze in wonder of my beautiful hair.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 66 - Water, Water everywhere...

We are in Austin right now at the Baymont Inn and Suites so today's task was easy to do while in the hotel room. The task was to save water. The book states, "The battleground of the 21st Century will be the water supply."

So, to save water, I helped out the hotel. I even got Diana to join in on the conservation efforts. We showered together this morning in that not sexy fun way. It was all, "Are you ready to switch?" and "This side of the shower is cold." Then we reused the towels from yesterday's showers which means that is two towels that got to skip a washing, possibly saving an entire load.

All day, we experienced Austin so by staying on the move and reducing the amount of liquid I normally consume, I was able to reduce the amount of restroom visits I made. The key phrase to remember in water conservation is, 'If it's Yellow, let it Mellow. If it's Brown, flush it down.' So, that little nugget stayed in my head every time I went to the bathroom today. In the room, I got two uses for each flush, when I used a urinal, I helped the restroom gather that oh so subtle urine fragrance.

All in all, I think I might have reduced my water usage by a few gallons; that is a pretty good start if I do say so myself.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 65 - You, Who, Doo, Poo

Today's task was to memorize a poem. I love Roald Dahl so I have committed this to memory.

St Ives

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
Said he, 'I think it's much more fun
Than getting stuck with only one.

Roald Dahl

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 64 - 1000 words

Imagine your name is Eric Adames. You live in Dallas and you go to your mailbox. There is a letter for you. It is hand addressed and has your address as both the mailing address and the receiving address and it is written in handwriting that you have never seen before.

You open it and find a $5 bill and a picture of a man you don't know. WTF????

That was today's task. Send a picture of yourself and a Lincoln to a random address with no explanation and see what happens. I made sure to send it to someone in Dallas so there is a snowballs chance I might make a new friend. Oh, and the picture I sent...

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 63 - Break it

Today my task was to break a world record. I went on the Guinness Book of World Records website and registered so I could submit my record. I double checked their site to see if I could find a recorded record of my amazing feat but it wasn't listed so I submitted for the title.

My record was...to achieve the longest recorded urination in history. I think I can beat the time I logged on my recorded attempt of 1 minute 51 seconds if I took in more fluid. I drank an entire pitcher of tea and one beer in less than an hour to fill up the tank.

I submitted my request for an attempt but since I could find no record of this having been recorded, I would say I have this in the bag.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 62 - Safe

Today's task was to put circles around convenient places so you could safely reside in them. The theory being nothing bad can happen to you in the circle. So, after lunch today I made a circle on the floor of my office out of Scotch Tape. It was directly around the area my office chair resides.

My office mate saw it and asked if I knew it was there. I told him to stay out of my circle. At first he thought I was trying to get some personal space but I just told him it was a circle of protection. He just said he was going to let this one go. He wasn't sure what to think and honestly, I wouldn't have either in his position.

My manager came in and I gave him the same reason. He just came back that he didn't have a circle of safety but was going to go home and pour himself some.

The rest of the day, I was moving around too much to actually have a convenient circle placed anywhere. I didn't take up much time in my chair so I didn't have the opportunity to put one there. I worked on my comic collection all night so I just moved boxes. But, I did make sure to protect myself at work.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 61 - I got a face, You got a face!

Today's task is to determine how symmetrical your face is. It is said that Denzel Washington's face is perfectly symmetrical. Having a symmetrical face increases your attractiveness to the opposite sex. Below is my symmetry example. I went and took a photo and did a split image of my face and duplicated both the right and left sides to find out what I would look like if each side is perfectly symmetrical. I either end up with a plate face or I look like a garden gnome.


So, I guess I am lacking in symmetry.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 60 - Pizza, Pizza

Today was 'Order an Impossible Pizza' day. It is extremely easy to do this. Below is how it went for me.

"Pizza Hut. Would you like to try our Tuscani Pasta and 4 bread sticks for just 14.99?"
"No thank you. I have an odd question. My wife is pregnant and she is having a craving for a pizza with apples, cheese and marinara. You wouldn't possibly have that would you?"
"Hehee. No sir, we don't have any apples"
"Honey, they don't have that...did you want something else...? No. Well, thanks anyway. I guess I will just have to go to the store."
"Sorry."
"No problem."

I think I gave that girl something to grin about today. Diana just laughed and called me a douche so I know at least she got a kick out of it. Way to go Pizza Hut for having a good sport taking orders.

That is all,

Newt

TBWCYL Day 59 - You're thinking...

Well, it turns out I am not psychic. Today's task was to test that theory and my powers were either on the fritz or non existent. I couldn't lift objects with my mind, as the book suggested I try. Also, my mind reading powers were not working.

Here is an example.
"Diana, don't think of a purple elephant. Now, I am reading your mind and you are thinking of...a purple elephant."
"No, I am thinking of a Red Lion."

My allergies were going haywire on me today so that might have been throwing things off. I have had tons of instances where I will know exactly what my wife is thinking but I believe that happens over time when two people cohabitate and their brain waves start to sync up. Sort of like when women live together and their periods start on the same day. Just one of those natural body things.

That is all,

Newt