It's official...I'M GAY!!! Well, at least for the day I was. I know what you're thinking, "Newt? Gay? Not that Manly Man who makes Chuck Norris look like Clay Aiken". But that was my task today, "Be Gay for a Day". So, I embodied everything I could think of in the homosexual arena and embraced it...except weiners. I definitely did not embrace any of those.
This actually started last night as I decided I needed a pink shirt to wear to work to proudly say, "I'm Gay." However, I decided this last night at 9:20 when the genius idea hit me so I shot over to Wal-Mart but low and behold, they don't have any pink shirts. Hunting jacket, yes. Pink Shirt, no. So I high tailed it over to Kohl's and with 10 minutes until they closed I picked out a pink button down and a brown sweater that complimented it.
This morning I got up and went to work out. Not Gay per se but I know a few Gay guys and they love to work out so I figured it counted. I checked out some guys packages at the gym but wasn't too impressed. After my workout it was time to get ready. I showered, gelled my hair in the gayes way possible(sadly this was by doing it the same way I always do but more tidy and with a few more spikes in the front then normal) and I got dressed. I had given myself 10 extra minutes in the bathroom to make sure I did this right.
I put on my pink shirt, which was too tight(Gay?), with my brown vest over it and made sure that not only was my collar straight, but I rolled my sweater sleeves up to make sure the cuffs of the shirt stuck out. I put on a pair of pants that Straight Newt would have easily worn and then switched them because I thought another pair would match better and I was right because within 3 seconds of seeing me, my carpool buddy told me she liked my outfit. Gush.
All throughout the day I threw "fabulous" into conversation and people continued to comment on my clothes. I was also told I was Gay when I asked a co-worker if she wanted to go to lunch and have girl talk since I hadn't seen her in a while. Twice I flirted with a guy I work with: once he felt my sweater to see the material and I just purred and during a conversation he looked at another coworker and I said "I wish you looked at me that way" to which he responded "He He, What are YOU doing later".
Once out of work I wanted to make sure I had this done to the best of my ability so in stereotypical Gay fashion, I went shopping. I got so many compliments on my sweater that I went and got three more and a pair of shoes...and it was all on sale Girlfriend.
To finish my day of Gay, I decided I needed to at least see something blatantly homosexual. Since I didn't have any pictures of Thomas, I decided to watch a Gay porn. I'm sure you're all thinking, "What, No Way!!!" but I am supposed to be Gay today so I got on RedTube and searched for something and found a little gem called "A Day In the Pork". I have seen Gay porn maybe twice in my life and I didn't think I would have reason to again but(pun intended) here I was and I have to say...That is some weird shit!
Two dudes gobbeling on each others junk is weird looking enough but when they actually do the deed, I kept expecting a second hole that just wasn't there. It ended the same way as most porn I have seen does but one thing I did think was sporting was that even though one finished, the other got his turn too. Oh, and so did the camera man.
That is all,
Newt
This actually started last night as I decided I needed a pink shirt to wear to work to proudly say, "I'm Gay." However, I decided this last night at 9:20 when the genius idea hit me so I shot over to Wal-Mart but low and behold, they don't have any pink shirts. Hunting jacket, yes. Pink Shirt, no. So I high tailed it over to Kohl's and with 10 minutes until they closed I picked out a pink button down and a brown sweater that complimented it.
This morning I got up and went to work out. Not Gay per se but I know a few Gay guys and they love to work out so I figured it counted. I checked out some guys packages at the gym but wasn't too impressed. After my workout it was time to get ready. I showered, gelled my hair in the gayes way possible(sadly this was by doing it the same way I always do but more tidy and with a few more spikes in the front then normal) and I got dressed. I had given myself 10 extra minutes in the bathroom to make sure I did this right.
I put on my pink shirt, which was too tight(Gay?), with my brown vest over it and made sure that not only was my collar straight, but I rolled my sweater sleeves up to make sure the cuffs of the shirt stuck out. I put on a pair of pants that Straight Newt would have easily worn and then switched them because I thought another pair would match better and I was right because within 3 seconds of seeing me, my carpool buddy told me she liked my outfit. Gush.
All throughout the day I threw "fabulous" into conversation and people continued to comment on my clothes. I was also told I was Gay when I asked a co-worker if she wanted to go to lunch and have girl talk since I hadn't seen her in a while. Twice I flirted with a guy I work with: once he felt my sweater to see the material and I just purred and during a conversation he looked at another coworker and I said "I wish you looked at me that way" to which he responded "He He, What are YOU doing later".
Once out of work I wanted to make sure I had this done to the best of my ability so in stereotypical Gay fashion, I went shopping. I got so many compliments on my sweater that I went and got three more and a pair of shoes...and it was all on sale Girlfriend.
To finish my day of Gay, I decided I needed to at least see something blatantly homosexual. Since I didn't have any pictures of Thomas, I decided to watch a Gay porn. I'm sure you're all thinking, "What, No Way!!!" but I am supposed to be Gay today so I got on RedTube and searched for something and found a little gem called "A Day In the Pork". I have seen Gay porn maybe twice in my life and I didn't think I would have reason to again but(pun intended) here I was and I have to say...That is some weird shit!
Two dudes gobbeling on each others junk is weird looking enough but when they actually do the deed, I kept expecting a second hole that just wasn't there. It ended the same way as most porn I have seen does but one thing I did think was sporting was that even though one finished, the other got his turn too. Oh, and so did the camera man.
That is all,
Newt
3 Ripples in the pond:
I worry about you on so many levels....
And I appreciate it.
Me, too. The worrying part.
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