Tariffs should be increased

In the recent months winter has come upon us, and with it has been an increase in trafficking. From October all the way into March, there has been a recent rash of crimes. What is this spike in crime you ask? Well it is the crime of SMUGGLING TIC-TACS. This recent epidemic has hit both in women and men. Look around you and you will see it, blatantly out in the open.

The real question is why only take two? Is this double smuggle a new fad, to store just two of these little mints in your shirt. Does this somehow cause warmth? This is what is known as a victimless crime, and yet I have to say that the "rising" amount of incidents is alarming.

I know that our government will soon find out about this "tit"illating wave of smugglings and will soon do what any red blooded American would do... Tax them.


That is all,

Newt