Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Def: HeteroLifeMate

It seems that my HLM and I are constantly coming in contact with people that don’t know what a HeteroLifeMate is. Thus I present to you the definition.

HeteroLifeMate (n.)

Originally termed by Jay and Silent Bob, a HeteroLifeMate is a person that is of constant contact with you and knows you quite thoroughly. They are adept to your personality and can call bullshit on you at least 85% of the time. This person is usually labeled as a best friend, which is a falsity. They are beyond that title. Most HLM’s have the ability to make you laugh using eye contact. They are also in possession of multiple instances of embarrassment that you have perpetrated. Common signs of HeteroLifeMate-ism are as follows. Saying “Remember when we…”, shaking your head in disdain when one HLM says something to the other, long running nicknames, and expectations that “If you were gay, you would be with that person.”

I have been in possession of my HLM for 14 years. Everyone should be so lucky to have one.

So the next time someone asks you what a HeteroLifeMate is, just tell them to look it up.

That is all,

Newt

1 Ripples in the pond:

Thomas said...

This post has inspired me to have a post series that will be debuting on my blog in the coming days/weeks entitled, "My HLM & Me", which will recount many of the best "remember when's" of our lenghthy relationship. I invite all of you to check it out, as if you needed an invitation!