I Remember When...

I am now one of those people who say, “I remember when…” You know what I mean? Like, I remember when there were actual prizes in cereal boxes. It was the whole draw of having a damn prize in the box. And yes I did try to get all four of the little figurines so I would have all of the Oliver and Company toys.

Now, if you’re lucky enough to find a prize at all, it is a stupid temporary tattoo of Ice Age or some crap. How many little kids ate the toy? I mean, how stupid to you have to be to pour a large whistle into a bowl of cereal, pour milk on it, and then spoon a plastic red whistle into your mouth? Now that lawyers have taken over the world, everyone has to worry about liability, lawsuits, wrongful death. Screw you, LAW. I want my prizes back.

Every Cracker Jack, cereal box, and kids meal is limited by what they can put in their packaging on the basis that if a kid swallows it, they better be able to pass it. I am now living in the age of “collect four box tops to send away for the newest bean bag toy” and I hate it. Stop taking all of the fun out of being a kid. Bring back cereal boxes with a Ninja Turtle bowl or a Batman bank attached. I really just feel sorry for the kids to day because “I remember when…”

That is all,

Newt