Monday, September 21, 2009

TBWCYL Day 264 - Lets Get Personal

I did something bad. I was supposed to place a personal ad in the paper today for my task. The thing is, it didn't say the personal ad had to be about me. So instead I put one in the Midland Newspaper/Website for my dad's friend, Richard Love.

I have known Richard Love for years now. He is a rather interesting fellow and is rather impressive. He is over 40, about 5'6, blind in one eye with a glass prosthesis and I think probably has about 40% vision in the other. He is missing half of one foot, one of his hands is consistently curled, and he is a ladies man. I am not kidding about that. It is like one of those cars that you can't figure out why people buy it but they do and seem to enjoy it. Except the cars in this case would be attractive women.

I met Richard while I was in high school. If I am not mistaken, the first time I was introduced to Richard he handed me a business card that said Richard Love, OEMF. That stands for One Eyed Mother Fucker by the way. He had business cards. With that on them. Seriously.

I love Richard, but what I love more is how my dad, and through him myself, jack with Richard. We have done a lot of crap to jack with him, be it drawing penis' on his head while he is asleep or filming an entire movie in which we pretended to move me to Lubbock and instead ended up in Dallas at Texas Motor Speedway. Richard got a free ticket and was rubbing it in my dad's face and it seemed only fitting to get back at him by getting better seats and there was even a free ticket for me since Richard was already going. We played it at the bar they all went to and embarrased him in front of everyone.

We also annually call him on National Talk Like a Pirate Day and assault his phone with different pirate related messages. He doesn't appreciate it but he wears an eye patch and it is just too easy. I still haven't gotten my obligatory follow up call from Saturday in which I yelled at him about how Tech and Pirates go so well together.

I guess I am my father's son as today when I read what I had to do, I instantly thought I could use this to jack with Richard. Below is the actual personal ad I placed in the newspaper and it will start in the next couple of days.

Middle Aged SWM seeking sexy SWF who is looking for a good time and no commitment. I like to have fun and want someone who doesn't take life too seriously. Call if you are interested.

I also put his phone number in. I almost made this a lot worse by saying he was seeking another man but thought I wouldn't want to hurt some gay guys feelings by giving him hope and having Richard bash them. I am giddy about this.

That is all,

Newt

11 Ripples in the pond:

Soda and Candy said...

He sounds hot.

; )

Erin said...

Oh, this could be good. Really, really good.

I'm also quite thanful that the Midland personal ad rates are more affordable than those in D.C. I'm totally guessing on that, but suspect that I'm correct.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Is 'Love' seriously his last name? Seriously? I can't believe you didn't include that in his ad! What a wasted opportunity for bad puns. You're really letting the family standards slip, Twinity.

Mega8815 said...

You're a naughty little shit... but good luck to Richard then! =)

Trinity said...

I wanted to make sure the paper didn't turn my ad down. I almost put in "For a night you won't forget" but was afraid it would get bounced back. This town is in the Bible belt so you never know.

Trinity said...

Oh, and Erin. You were this close to having an ad placed but I wasn't sure that giving out your home phone would be the best decision for my foreseeable future.

Natalie said...

You could've made the ad say Dick Love. So much oppertunity there!

Addy's Daddy said...

Good old Richard. Let me know how that turns out.

I can let you know how your grammar turned out in this post right now, though - really bad! Penis doesn't need an apostrophe, though in your defense I am not sure what the plural spelling is. However, gay guy's feelings does need an apostrpohe.

Lastly, your comparison of Richard/women to cars doesn't make sense. Richard should be the car in the comparison, not the women.

Thanks!

Grammar Gestapo

Trinity said...

On the penis' thing, that would be to pluralize. I took just like I would with Davis' or something else that ended in s. I see what you mean on that.

I did get that wrong on the women thing. The car buyers would be the women.

On the gay guy's feelings, it is my understanding that an apostrophe s can be used to show possession, which in this case would be the guy's feelings. I am not sure that one is wrong.

This is what happens when you blog and watch TV.

Erin said...

Nice work, Grammar Gestapo, and Trinity, good call on the not giving out my phone number business - that decision has kept you alive another day.

Diana said...

Trinity, the way to pluralize words ending is "s" is to add "es" to the end of the word. Apostrophes are only used to show ownership.