Tuesday, July 28, 2009

TBWCYL Day 209 - Supermarket Swipe

I staged a crime in front of a security camera today. The point was to see if anyone would come to stop me committing the crime but no one did. You see, what happened was this. Diana and I went to the grocery store and while we were there I looked up and saw the security globes that hang near the checkout counter. Knowing today's task, I decided to include my wife in my task without her knowledge.

As she was unloading the grocery cart at the checkout, I started pretending to violently beat her in the head. When she would turn to grab groceries I stopped, thus she had no idea what I was doing. We were in clear view of the cameras and no one came out to stop the domestic violence that was appearing to occur on the camera.

A gentleman who was just completing his purchases saw me making my violent swipes at my wife's black locks and smiled. Clearly he was a supporter of putting a woman in her place.

We went about completing our purchase and as we walked out, I trailed back a bit behind Diana to continue my assault thinking I should give the grocery attendants another chance at doing a good deed. They still didn't appear and thus my wife now has fictitious cerebral hemorrhaging from blunt force trauma to the skull.

Ironically I found an interesting story of an actual supermarket attack somewhere in the UK that involves machetes. Who uses machetes to rob someone? That is not a stable person. I didn't find that they caught the people. Come to think of if, Girl Interrupted has a machete collection. Hmmm???

Maybe that is what I should have used instead of my fists. I wish I could get that tape because I bet I throw a mean fake punch. I like pretending to punch people.

That is all,

Newt

6 Ripples in the pond:

the girl with the pink teacup said...

Reason #256 I love you:

A gentleman who was just completing his purchases saw me making my violent swipes at my wife's black locks and smiled. Clearly he was a supporter of putting a woman in her place.

You may have failed in getting someone to stop your fake fatal attack on your wife, but you succeeded in making me snort with laughter. Not a pretty sight. Or sound, come to think of it.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

And Girl Interrupted, do you really have a machete collection? Maybe you could lend one to Newt if he ever wants to have a second try at this one...

Girl Interrupted said...

Yeah, well I am currently unemployed and groceries are outrageously expensive!! How else is a girl going to eat?

Ps: I am constantly amazed that Diana allows you to continue breathing. Horrid boy.

Simon said...

Quite, but there again what weapon does a stable armed robber use? Besides, Brits are traditionalists. Guns are too vulgar: swords or machetes are the weapons used by a more discriminating class of person.

Trinity said...

GPT: I am glad you liked it. When I told my wife what I had done she didn't seem to have minded but was slightly concerned that no on came to here aid.

Kate:Please make sure that your next crimespree involves the following: a slingshot, a fencing sword and a pair of nunchucks.

Simon: I am all for tradition but even I have limits to where I will go. Machetes are outside of those limits.

Carrie said...

I'm actually pretty surprised nothing happened. Perhaps it was because you were only engaging in a crime against your wife and not against the store itself? Maybe if you'd pretended to "sneakily" steal something?

(Thanks for a hearty laugh. =])