Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm not a doctor so don't expect me to have patience

I consider myself to be an impatient person sometimes. I am aware of this but try to keep my cool and my head when I get frustrated. Yesterday was not a day where that happened. You see, the new Super Mario Brothers for Wii came out on Sunday and I rushed to Best Buy to get it. I love Mario and when I saw this game was not a 3D fest that the last few were, I knew I had to have it.


When I got home I made a giant mistake. It went like this, "Diana, do you want to play?" You see, the game is up to 4 players and even though my wife doesn't play video games, this was one I thought she could handle since it is a flat screen, run and jump game and not a first person shooter or a 3D world. She got her nunchuck plugged in and we went through a small training on buttons and use and were off on our adventure.

Women in general are not meant to play video games. I know this. Why I decided that yesterday I would put myself through an hour of torture is beyond me. Things started pretty badly, Diana was Luigi and decided instead of walking she would jump everywhere like a hyperactive cricket. I said "walk" and she bounced over my head and would die. I said run and jump, she crouched and then died and wondered what happened.

I tried to be patient, growing pains on any new game are guaranteed until you figure out movement and game play, but when your wife keeps jumping around and either getting you killed or making you run out of time thus causing you to lose, well, I snapped. By the end I was speaking loudly, I still contend it wasn't yelling, as she just slouched in her chair and laughed at how badly she was...which didn't help. I told her she couldn't play anymore and took the controller.

Megan, my kinda sister-in-law was there and she tried playing. Though she was better, she still wasn't good and I gave her half-an-hour before telling her to give me her remote. She caused me to die so many times I finally was at my breaking point. After ditching the dead weight I was twice as fast and effective and was able to beat the first world in a couple of hours.

I will contend that there are women who can game, many in fact. But the vast majority are useless when it comes to helping a brother out by bouncing on his head to get the giant coin that is too far up in the air. Also, the words, "I get the buttons confused" when there are only four of them is...well you might as well go get me an "I'm with Stupid" shirt because that shit is retarded.

That is all,

Newt

7 Ripples in the pond:

Carrie said...

You know, I really couldn't agree with you more. The only video games I've ever played and actually enjoyed (Halo gives me headaches from just trying to keep up with the screen, Pac Man is just a little too simple, and racing games are just not. for. me. I'm a terrible driver in real life, and even worse on a TV screen.) were Spyro the Dragon and Mario for Nintendo 64. I sucked at Mario, but it was still fun.

Spyro the Dragon, on the other hand...I kick ass at Spyro the Dragon. ;) I think it may be the one exception to the "women cannot and should not play video games" clause. Perhaps it was designed to be that way...

mo.stoneskin said...

Think she'd enjoy Unreal Tournament? Mine certainly doesn't!

Lola Lakely said...

My video games skills are vast and beyond compare. When playing Super Smash Brothers and choosing Solid Snake, no one can beat me. However, my weakness relies within the first person shooter realm. Sigh.

Erin said...

I have far more success with a Wii balance board. I'm going to attribute that fewer confusing buttons.

Keep it up, Diana and Megan! Make him let you play, even if he does speak loudly at you!

Soda and Candy said...

Ahahahahhahahahahaha

This is so funny because I am excited about this game for the precise reason you thought Diana might like it. I'm actually pretty good in 2D games, I just cannot handle 3D at all, within about 2 minutes I get either irredeemably stuck in a corner or totally lost.

Also I think Wii is much easier for girls than any previous game system as the movement is more natural & intuitive. How does she do on Mario Kart?

Trinity said...

I can't remember if she has ever played Mario Kart or not.

Addy's Daddy said...

My wife is not so bueno on the Mario Kart, even with the steering wheel, though she is pretty good at Super Smash Bros.

Diana is a pretty scary driver in real life, so I'm thinking she might have some problems staying on the track in Mario Kart.