Sex and Oranges

Do you ever think that eating and orange and having sex are pretty much the same thing? I'm not talking those oranges you used to get when you would go through the lunch line in the third grade. Those oranges are whores and are a dime a dozen, literally. I'm refering to those oranges that are the size of softballs and are so juicy that you feel like your drinking a glass of Minute Maid with each bite. Let me explain.

An orange would be the woman in the act. Lets just make that clear because if you go in thinking of a male orange then you are just wacky. First comes foreplay. You have to clumsily use your hands and strip the "lady" down to her bare element. The skin is soft and has a lovely smell to it, just like a woman. If you've done this right then your hands should be slightly sticky by now.

Then you have to slowly part the orange apart and nibble it. I'm not sure about your average fruit eater, but I personally don't rush the experience... of eating an orange that is. I take my time, as any good lover should, and eat each piece slowly. If you get a really sweet piece of fruit, you will definitely want to enjoy it.

The finale comes just as you have finished the last piece. With the last bite, I swish around the pulp in my mouth and spit. Don't forget to clean up....Orange Peel, you dirty minds. You might never look at an orange the same way again!!!

That is all,

Newt