Girl Scout Cookies

I have recently come upon a topic that I know is currently close to alot of peoples hearts, and that is the sale of Girl Scout Cookies. Thats right, that time honored tradition of little girls( and more often then not, their parents) peddling those primary colored boxes that for some reason people just can't live without. It seems a strange tradition to me. I can't argue with the success of the program, yet so many questions are left unanswered.

1. What additive is placed in the cookies that keeps us coming back in droves every year?
2. With the success of the cookies, why don't they "kick it up a notch" and put the damn things in stores? Wouldn't that save them having to used child labor to make sales?
3. Who is really behind the sale of these cookies? Are there a sect of den mothers that hoard the cookies until the end of the year, and then slowly leak them out to the general public?

I need answers, and I am calling for a boycott of these cookies until I get them! Rise up America(or at least the people who read this). Put down those Thin Mints, push away that box of Samoas, refuse the temptation of the Shortbread cookie!!!!!!!

No longer will I let those green clad pixies determine when and how I will eat my cookies! We live in a society where we are free from oppression. Long live the Keebler!!!!!!

That is all,

Newt