Tri-Gnomial Gnomin-Culture

Welcome to a new addition to the Lily Pad, my own strip Tri-Gnomial Gnomin-Culture. This is the first in, what I hope will be a series, of strips about the three little Gnomes I bought for a buck a piece at the pharmacy. I will be trying to put a new one of these up every Wednesday so keep your eyes open.

Soundtrack to my life

I'm back. And today we are going to talk about Soundtracking. What is Soundtracking? Well, I made it up and it means

Def. to insert music into average, mundane moments in your life. To add a Soundtrack to a portion of a persons existence.

In short, its the soundtrack to your life. Everybody has one, and you may not even realize that it is there. Here is an example. Say you are sitting in a classroom and your teacher is droning on. Now is when your mind starts to wander and "We Don't need no Education" pops into your head. Another example of this might be when you are walking through the grocery store and just start thinking "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts."

I am constantly guilty of adding music to my day to day operations. I am extremely prone to this happening if I am riding in a car because in movies, when someone is riding in a car they will, 9 times out of 10, be staring out the window while in the background a melodic song will be playing, like Vanessa Carltons "1000 miles."

So, think about the last few days and see if you can come up with a few instances where you have been been doing something and a song will pop into your head. If you think about it, all of those songs when put on a CD would constitute the soundtrack to your life. And that my friends, is Soundtracking.

That is all,

Newt

Little Women - The Musical

Pop Quiz: what classic women’s novel was turned into a crappy Broadway Musical? Why, Little Women of course. And that is what stopped me from getting to watch the Lost finale last night (don’t worry, I taped it). We bought season tickets to the Dallas Summer Musicals and last night was the first on our list. Most of you probably know the story of the March sisters and their adventures. Well, just imagine it to music in the same vein as any other Broadway and you might get an image of what I had to sit through last night.

I have never read the book so I went in with a blank slate, nothing to compare to and no preconceived notions of what I was going to see. But early on, I was sorely disappointed. Granted, this is a show aimed at women, but really that shouldn’t be an excuse. I didn’t hear one song that would ever be described as great, the story was cheesy, and the acting was lacking appeal. Worst was the fact that Jo, the main character, wouldn’t stop screaming “Christopher Columbus” every time she was agitated, excited, etc.

The second act was a lot better than the first, but the first was longer so, like sex, you have to put up with a lot of the grind to get to the happy ending. All in all, I wasn’t satisfied with my experience but luckily the next tickets are for a show I want to see.

That is all,

Newt

This will be the last post until after Memorial Day as we are going to bury my grandmothers ashes

"Hello, is it me you're looking for?"

So, yesterday I took a time warp back to when I was little and was in the store and couldn’t find my mommy. You see, I was at the convenience store with Diana and while she was pumping gas, I went into the store. I was looking around and ended up buying some gum and ice cream.

While in line, Diana called me and I just assumed she was calling to tell me that she was done and ready to go so I didn’t answer it. I was checking out and figured that it would be faster if I just walked outside. The problem with that was that Diana wasn’t outside. She had left me there.

I called her and she was turning around to come pick me up. When I got in the car, she tried to play it off like she thought I had just walked home, but then she revealed that she had forgotten that I was in the store and had driven off on accident.

After this incident, I am ever so afraid to have a child with her. I know that one day I will have a phone call from my child saying that mommy had left them at such and such store and could I come pick them up. This means that our children will have to have cell phones at an early age to prevent Miss Forgetful from loosing one of them. I felt like I was in Walmart and just couldn’t find who I was looking for. So, everyone scold Diana the next time you see her.

That is all,

Newt

Couch Tornado

So, yesterday I decided to be a little impish and play a joke. Our couch is long enough to allow me to lay on it completely without anything hanging off the side. It is also got enough pillows that I can cover the entire couch with them. Erin, a friend of ours, was coming over to pick up a house key and I decided it would be the perfect time to lie on the couch and cover myself up with pillows and wait for her to come up the stairs and jump out at her.

I wish I had set up a camera because it would have been worth turning in to Americas Funniest Videos. I waited until she hit the living room and …Bam, all the pillows flew off the couch and I started screaming. She was definitely not expecting it because she let out a little scream and then put her hands on her knees and said “Are you serious?”

After Erin left I called Diana to see where she was, and guess what? She was almost home. So, I got back on the couch and did an even better job of covering myself up this time and waited. She was even better. She came up the stairs and started saying to the dogs, “Where is your father?” I held out a little bit longer and waited until she was standing next to the couch and jumped up. I got another scream that outdid Erin’s and saw the freaked out look on her face.

I know, when you read this that you are just going to think that I have too much time on my hands, and you would be right. But I don’t care because I laughed harder than I have in a long time. So, when you are bored and need a good chuckle, imagine my fat butt hiding under a stack of pillows waiting for my next victim.

That is all,

Newt

Trying new things

I have currently been immersing myself in music with an acoustical background as a way to help keep motivated in learning the guitar. In doing so, I have also discovered a few musicians/bands that I had heard of but never really took an interest in. It's funny how one day you can know about something but not really have an interest in it and the next be somewhat obsessed about it. And that's what this post will be about.

Over the past few weeks I have picked up two Jason Mraz CDs and two The Shins CDs. Now, I knew who both of these people were, I just never really had any interest in them. I had heard and could even sing "The Remedy" but didn't run out and buy the CDs. I had heard The Shins on the campus station and even on some random movies/TV shows. I was missing out.

How many times have you been told a movie, book or piece of music was the greatest but, for whatever reason (mine personally is that I have a bad habit of not wanting to like things that an average person does), you didn't didnÂ’t want to listen? This phenomenon reaches into so many different areas of life. Food is a great example. "Hey, I went to such and such restaurant and it was so good. You have to go try it." Yet when it comes time to go out to eat, where do you go? Spanky's, because it's safe or Whataburger, or Chick-fil-A, or wherever.

I recently did this with the DaVinci Code. I worked in a bookstore for two years and recommended it to people all the time, yet I only read it a month ago(see previous review). Why did I wait so long? Well, it seemed like it might be a fad, and every average non-reader had picked it up and I just didn't want to join the masses.

So, I guess the whole point of this post is really just to tell everyone to open their minds to new possibilities. With the internet, we noopportunity opertunity to preview things before we buy them, and this should really make us look at things we might not have before.

That is all,

Newt

Scrubs - a Rant

So, I have purchased Seasons 1-3 of Scrubs and just a few minutes ago, I finished the final episode of Season two. A little history for you. When Scrubs started I was a casual watcher. It came on right after Frasier and something was on opposite it on another network so I only watched it when I didn't have anything else on. The episode that got me hooked was the Christmas Episode from Season 2 and I haven't turned back.

I think the thing about the show that really connects with people is how real it is. While watching Season 1, you really feel how desperate and emotional the lives of the doctors are. In subsequent seasons, you watch the characters grow into who they are today. I personally connect with all of the random fantasy sequences because I have been in similar situations where my mind would wander off into places it shouldn't have been.

Anyway, back to why I love this show. In the Christmas Episode for Season 2, J.D. goes out with a girl while Elliot gets kicked out of her apartment. At the end of the episode, Elliot agrees to stay at J.D.s until she can get back on her feet. At the end of the show, J.D. rushes Elliot and they make out and have sex. I remember this especially well because up until that point, none of the episodes I had seen touched upon the previous attempt for the couples attempt at a relationship. The coolest thing about this show, and the quote is something I remember to this day, was that at the end Elliot said "Merry Christmas" and J.D. responded, "It's just what I wanted."

It was that moment that I thought they had a chance, and even though in the next couple of episodes they broke it off I didn't care, because I felt the attraction. I actually felt it. Not many shows can pull off that kind of an emotional response. As an adult I watch the DVDs with a new appreciation. I relate on a large scale to the twenty-something as they deal with life. I relive first kisses, and second kisses that shouldn't have been. I watch the death and learn more about how important life is. I hear Dr. Cox' rants and know that, though he is speaking to J.D., that in reality their is something to be learned from what he is saying.

The point is, I watch an episode of Friends and, yeah, I might laugh a little and, sure, I wanted Ross and Rachel to be together but when I watch any episode of Scrubs I actually think I might be better for it. I only own a few different TV series on DVD. Partly this is because I can't imagine sitting around one day and going "I sure would like to watch episode 13 of Party of Five Season 2. But this is a show that I care enough about that I knew I had to own.

That is all,

Newt

My Own Personal Hell

Has anyone ever considered what Hell will be like? I used to say, and occasionally still do, that I would be going to Hell and Thomas would be there to meet me. Well, now that I think about it that would be pretty Hellacious, but in truth I don’t necessarily know if that would be my personal Hell.

What would your personal Hell be? I have given this a lot of thought (5 minutes) and have come up with the following scenario. Imagine if you will…

I would wake up on a daily basis and will be force fed broccoli. Throughout the day, though I am not sure how time will work in Hell, I am forced to tear apart my comic book collection page by page and let people use it for toilet paper. Diana will continually rotate through my Hell and tell me how small my penis is and how her new boyfriend, which will be black (due to my innate fear of black people), is so much better than me in every way. I will then have to watch as both of my beloved animals, Duncan and Hazel, be beaten to death and then reincarnated and beaten again. I am pretty sure that some really bad music, like Abba or the Phantom of the Opera Soundtrack will be blaring over a loudspeaker. I am fairly sure that at some point I will have physical pain caused onto me, but I am not sure what. No matter, it won’t be pleasant.

So today, I want you to consider what your personal hell is.

That is all,

Newt

Eragon & Eldest - A review

Last night, I completed the second book in the Inheritance Trilogy, ‘Eldest’. The first book is Eragon, which you may or may not have heard of, is a great read and given enough time, this book series will be as big as Harry Potter. The great thing about these books is that they have that addictive ability to make you both want the book to end, and at the same time hope it never does because you could keep reading forever.

Here is the synopsis for ‘Eragon’
When Eragon finds a polished blue stone in the forest, he thinks it is the lucky discovery of a poor farm boy; perhaps it will buy his family meat for the winter. But when the stone brings a dragon hatchling, Eragon realizes he has stumbled upon a legacy nearly as old as the Empire itself. Overnight his simple life is shattered, and he is thrust into a perilous new world of destiny, magic, and power. With only an ancient sword and the advice of an old storyteller for guidance, Eragon and the fledgling dragon must navigate the dangerous terrain and dark enemies of an Empire ruled by a king whose evil knows no bounds. Can Eragon take up the mantle of the legendary Dragon Riders? The fate of the Empire may rest in his hands....

This is the synopsis for ‘Eldest’
Eragon and his dragon, Saphira, have just saved the rebel state from destruction by the mighty forces of King Galbatorix, cruel ruler of the Empire. Now Eragon must travel to Ellesméra, land of the elves, for further training in magic and swordsmanship, the vital skills of the Dragon Rider. It is the journey of a lifetime, filled with awe-inspiring new places and people, each day a fresh adventure. But chaos and betrayal plague him at every turn, and Eragon isn't sure whom he can trust.Meanwhile, his cousin Roran must fight a new battle back home in Carvahall- one that puts Eragon in even graver danger.Will the king's dark hand strangle all resistance? Eragon may not escape with even his life. . . .

Anyone who liked ‘Harry Potter’ or ‘Lord of the Rings’ will find something to love about the characters in these books. I don’t make a lot of recommendations because I don’t like to waste peoples time, but you are doing yourself a disservice by not reading these.

That is all,

Newt

Whata...story!

I went have gone to Whataburger for lunch the last two days and on separate occasions I have seen separate, yet amazing events.

The first thing I saw caused me to stare. I was leaving to go back to work and was sitting in my truck when I looked up. My rearview mirror was blocking the face of a man but his body was quite apparent. Imagine a man in a black polo shirt of about 230 to 250 pounds. His shirt was tucked in and he was waiting for someone to get out of the car. Now the amazing thing about this was that his body was normal until it hit his belly. I can only imagine that this guy has somehow drastically lost a lot of weight and his skin just hadn’t tightened up. He had somehow tucked in about 30 lbs of fatty skin into his shirt and when you looked at the guy, you would think that an average guy had taken a large towel and tucked it under his shirt. As he stood there, I just watched him and could see his belly button facing straight towards the ground. That’s how nasty the fat was.

The second thing I saw happened today. I was sitting in the restaurant and looked over at the table next to me because the woman that was sitting there had gotten up and left her tray. I thought that was kinda rude but when I looked at the tray I saw a dollar bill sitting on the tray. Now, I worked fast food for quite a while and have never seen anyone leave a tip when they left their tray. Maybe somebody else has seen this, but when did it become necessary to leave a tip at the Whataburger? I am not saying that it is a bad thing for someone to do this but is it called for?

That is all,

Newt

The Greatest Drive Ever

I am sorry to report that Diana's uncle passed away on Tuesday and we are going to be driving to Corpus Christi today. Now, I have driven to quite a few different locations in my time. I have driven to Florida in two days, I have made countless trips to Dallas from my Native Midland, and I have put tons of miles on my old truck driving between Midland and Lubbock. But no drive is as bad as the drive from Dallas to Corpus Christi.

Science hasn't given me any proof on this, but I am convinced that there is some sort of time warp in-between here and Corpus that will slow time. Just for kicks, if you were to Mapquest the drive it places it at 413 miles and estimates it at 6 hours and 18 minutes. I have driven this drive a few times and at different hours so I know that it isn’t when I leave, but I for some reason can't make it in less than 8 hours. Now, I have hit Austin at rush hour, and I have sped through it at 70 mph but no matter what I do I still hit 8 hours.

I am so not looking forward to today’s drive and the reason we are going is not an enjoyable one, but I am dreading it even more because of the history I have with this drive. So, any scientists out there that can tell me why in the Hell it takes so much longer to get there than is should, please let me know.

That is all,

Newt

The Byron Nelson

I went to the grocery store this afternoon, and low and behold they were giving out parking passes. I have been going to this store for a while now and usually it doesn't have enough people there to stop me from getting a front spot, but today two big black guys were stopping cars because The Byron Nelson Golf Tournament is going on and all of the surrounding areas are being patrolled to stop people from stealing a parking spot.

On the way to the store, I saw two separate sets of lawn chairs and home made signs offering tickets to the Tournament. These were on consecutive corners in a residential neighborhood. Then, as I was leaving the store, an entire lane was blocked off to get to the course. Hell, even our apartment complex has a sign saying No Parking.

I am not very familiar with golf so maybe I am just unaware, but is it really necessary to scalp tickets to a golf game? I know this is one of the bigger tournaments but it never occurred to me that someone would be that interested in the thing to have to buy a golf ticket from a redneck from his front yard. Then again, I really don't enjoy golf, but if there is a scalper selling for the next comic book convention send me the address.

That is all,

Newt

James Blunt

So, last night we got to go see James Blunt. He was playing at the Nokia Theatre in Grand Prairie and we got to watch most of it on the jumbotron because we were sitting in the nosebleed section. I have to say that there really isn’t a bad seat in the house though, and the music was pretty clear.

A few little tidbits for those of you who weren’t there: I would say that about 85% of the attendance was female and half of those hadn’t had their first period. You could tell the age group because no matter what I did, the constant smell of Fruit Roll-Up was in the air, although we were lucky enough to sit next to the smoker who didn’t take a shower yesterday.

The music was awesome. I don’t know if they play the same set at each concert but not only did he play his entire CD, he also plays a few new songs and a couple of covers. The music had good transition and he had excellent stage presence. The new songs make me really look forward to his next CD. The entire show was entertaining and he ended the show with “Beautiful”. I think more girls had an orgasm at “Beautiful” then any porn movie that I have ever seen.

My favorite part of the show was probably when “No Bravery” was played and he played war footage from Kosavo. It was the one song that no one screamed “You are Hot” or “Marry Me” as if he would just stop mid song and go “Yes, I will marry you.” And on that note …

That is all,

Newt

Free Comic Book Day

So, Saturday was Free Comic Book Day and it was also CAPE2. CAPE2 was the second annual Comics and Pop Culture Expo. It brought in quite a few known writers and artists and quite a few independent lables under one roof for the public to come meet and get cool sketches and signatures.

I personnaly went to meet Bryan Hitch, who draws the ever popular Ultimates and was lucky enough to get him to sketch me a Thing penciling. Scott Kurtz was also there and I got a Thing sketch from him as well. I got to meet quite a few artists and writers that I am familiar with, but I won't bore you with who because I know you wouldn't care.

One of the most interesting things about CAPE2 was the live art exibition that was put on at the Metro Grill on Saturday evening. Three artists came up to earn some money for the convention by creating paintings and drawings in front of an audience. The artists were unknown to me but the show itself was really interesting to see and I ended up walking off with a markered drawing of Doctor Octopus and Spiderman which was really funny.

The art of a comic book convention is in the audience. A number of people are art fans, some are comic book nerds, and alot of people are just normal. Now this convention was a little bit different but normally an eclectic group of people in costumes are walking around. That didn't happen at CAPE but it isn't a rare occurance, and just to make the weekend right I went to one of the local Lone Star comics and the girl there was dressed as Princess Amidala. Really.

Well, I got to meet a few of the people whos work I love, and got to see some real comic fans and a lot of amazing art so my weekend was freakin' awesome and on that note...

That is all,

Newt

Living Single

So, Diana went out of town for the weekend and you know what that means. I am free to do whatever the hell I want for the next two days. The dogs and I have some TV time scheduled and their is a comic book convention this weekend that I am looking forward to. I also have a lot of reading to catch up on and oh the comic books I will read. Not to mention that I have the first season of Scrubs that needs to be watched. With so much time and so much to do, I don't know how I am going to accomplish so many important tasks. I will report tomorrow on the Comic book convention and all the glory that will be beheld.

That is all,

Newt

Civil War

Normally, I don’t go into what is going on in comic books, but there is a new limited series that came out yesterday that has been getting a lot of media attention and I know that no one is going to read it even though I recommend it, but here it is.

Civil War came out yesterday from Marvel Comics. The story revolves around a school getting blown up and around 3,000 kids get killed. The explosion is caused by a super villain who gets attacked by a group called the New Warriors. The warriors are, in super hero terms, wet behind the ears and are not on the level of Nitro the exploding man. What results is the Superhero Registration Act.

The act simply states that every hero is forced to reveal their identity to the government and will have sanctions held against them. The problem? Well, half of the Marvel Universe is for registration and half is against. What results is a Civil War between heroes. There are promises that teams get split, heroes battle each other, and similar to the Vietnam War, there are defectors that flee to Canada.

This story is an interesting dynamic where heroes will be labeled villains and some villains will be used to hunt down the heroes they used to battle. The story is in 7 parts that make up the entire series and will cross over into specific titles as well as a couple of mini series. This is a series that will actually change the Marvel Universe and have Captain America fighting against his own government and Iron Man leading the pro-registration-ers against the anti-registration heroes. If anyone wants to read a great comic mini series, this may be the one to try.

That is all,

Newt

"We are searching for the Holy Grail"

Searching for the Holy Grail was something King Arthur was infamous for. I am no Artie, but I have also been known to get on the occasional quest and this week has been no exception. Some examples of my exploits involve forcing my mother to go to every McDonalds in Odessa, TX to try to find the White Power Ranger figure from the Happy Meal (though in my defense it was the only one I lacked to complete the collection), purchasing every Neil Gaiman Hardback novel in one week, and of course, collecting comic books. The last one is an every growing fixation that has never been quenched and no matter how many I have, there is always one elusive issue that evades my.

This week, I went on a rampage and decided I needed to collect and read every issue of Invincible by Robert Kirkman. For any of you who don’t know what this book is, well it is a superhero book that revolves around a child of the world’s most famous super hero who gains powers and goes into the family business. It is hailed by critics on a daily basis and the trades and hardcover are all in bookstores now.

Anyway, I went out and bought the hardback to get the 1st 13 issues because they are extremely expensive and hard to find. I also blew my wad…of money that is, on issues 14-31...except for issue 20. Why not issue 20 you ask? Well, because issue 20 sold out a while back and it is currently not on any comic book web site or physical store in Dallas or any other web based store that I can find. And its driving me crazy.

So, to go back to my Holy Grail analogy, this weeks Holy Grail is Invincible #20 and as soon as I find it, there will be a new one. My obsessive compulsive personality really shows when it comes to collecting comic books and if only I could channel that energy into other things I would be a successful, famous, and rich individual. But as it is, I am an overweight, semi successful, shmuck who has one kick ass comic convention.

That is all,

Newt

By the way, if anyone has an issue of Invincible #20 then please let me know.

Dancing away the weight

So, I am now on a workout and diet plan. You are probably asking yourself, "Why would an Adonis such as Newt need a diet and workout plan. He is in such good shape and I wouldn't recommend he loose a pound." Well, Thank you for that but I weighed myself and came up about 25 pounds over my comfort weight and have decided to take a serious try at loosing that. So, I began Sunday with my DDR diet and workout.

What is DDR? Well, for all of you unhip people, it is the new craze Dance Dance Revolution. Now, I stumbled across the dancing addiction by chance. Diana and I were at her friends in L.A. and they had the Mario version. Well, I played and noticed how much fun I was missing out on, so as soon as we got home I went to my friend ebay and found me a copy and some dance pads.

I have now put myself on a slight rationing system where I eat a little bit healthier and a little bit less. Added to that, I do at least 30 minutes of Mario Dance Dance Revolution a night. It has a calorie counter on it so I can monitor how much I have burned off. This way, I am loosing calories, playing Nintendo, and dancing. And, just like any other game, I do not notice how long I am playing which makes working out all the more fun.

So, I suppose if I have a dramatic decrease in weight, I will let you all know. Otherwise, I hope I can at least drop a couple of pounds and maybe gain some rhythm in the process.

That is all,

Newt

I Don't Care!

So, I had a short discussion with my HLM today and he expressed to me that he didn't like the new movie 'American Dreamz' that is now in theatres. He told me this because I had gone to see it and told him that I thought it was very good. Now, he wasn't mad about my opinion but he is going to use it as his basis for seeing the movie so he can blame me... and that is fine. However, it got me thinking. The conclusion that I have come up with is "I don't care." Let me elaborate.

I don't care if you didn't like the movie I recommended because truthfully, I liked it or I wouldn't have recommended it to you. I don't care if the book that I raved about was "not your thing", even though you gave it a try. I don't care that you wasted $13.99 on a cd that I really liked. Stated Plainly, I don't care.

Maybe I am in the minority, but in today's world, too many people gauge things off of other peoples opinions. Girls go shopping in packs so they can get approval on what to wear. The only time I ever do that is if I am buying clothes for work, and that's only because apparently a Spider-Man tee shirt doesn't go with dress pants.

I will also say that listening to critics is a pet peeve of mine that I find myself guilty of. While I don't mind a little help in trying to determine if the next Jennifer Aniston movie is worth my time, a movie is meant to be enjoyed. I don't even know what the hell cinematography is. I am going to be entertained, and if that involves seeing two hot girls play "Battle Shits" then I am ok with that.

Now, I don't want to sound conceited, or condescending in this little rant but if I do, well I don't care. And for the record, even though Thomas doesn't think so, Hellboy was a rocking movie.

That is all,

Newt