I'm Shedding

Here is my year long ultimate plan, and it starts with a shed. You see, I am getting a Vespa. Yes, you read correctly. I will be one of those people you see on the road on a scooter. Don't judge me!!! I can pull this look off and anyone who knows me is probably thinking, "Well, its stupid but I can totally see him doing something like this."

But, before I can get my Vespa a few things have to happen.
1. I have to pay off my truck. (This will be complete in April)
2. I have to get a motorcycle license.
3. I have to have somewhere to put it.

The somewhere to put it is where the shed comes in. Over the last couple of days I have been hatching a plan to get a bigger shed for my backyard. One that can house all of my lawn equipment as well as fit a motor scooter. And you know what I found out? Sheds are pricey. Some of the lower end models aren't that bad but they can steadily climb very quickly. So, for my birthday I am getting a shed. I am cashing in my credit card points, I am calling in all favors, and I am sucking up to my wife.

One person told me that getting a shed for my birthday made me an old man. Well, Kiss my Ass person.

I really only wrote all this down to make everyone aware that I want shed money for my birthday. I hope that was painfully aware.

That is all,

Newt

I'm the Hyphenator

So, Diana and I were at dinner the other day and the subject of her last name changing came up. She said someone told her that they thought she would be a Hyphenator. As in, she would hyphenate her last name with mine.

Up until then I had never heard the term before and I thought it was very silly. It sounds like a crazy punctuation robot from the future has come back in time to stop Sarah Conner from becoming Sarah Conner-Douglas or something.

I had always understood the process of hyphenating your last name. I don't really understand the reasoning behind it. Is is a longing to keep your identity while journeying forth into your new life? Is it a way to save time by not having to go through all the name changing processes? Or, is it a reason to add punctuation into an otherwise hyphen free environment.?

I personally like it that my wife has my last name only. I think it has more solidarity to the marriage because we are two of the same now. It also sounds better than her last name, which had way to many syllables.

That is all,

N-E-W-T

Charlie Bartlett

What is 'Charlie Bartlett'? Well, as noted in a previous post, I got tickets to a few different advanced screenings of upcoming films and 'Charlie Bartlett' was one of them. And last night Diana and I, along with my friends Allison and Ryan, went to see it.

I had no real expectations of the movie because I hadn't heard anything about it. However, I was pleasantly surprised. The basis for the film is there is this extremely bright kid who gets himself kicked out of every private school that would take him and thus he has to start public school. From there he ends up acting as a psychiatrist to the entire student body, supplies them with prescription drugs in a very funny way, and becomes the savior of the school.

All of this sounds silly, and it was, but it was also funny and warm and at times it was downright important. I guess that might seem like an odd word to describe a movie but, like 'Saved' or 'Pleasantville', it used a silly premise to hit on a lot of important issues. It covered alcoholism, drug abuse, depression, and high school.

If you can, GO SEE THIS FILM. I know when it comes out we will probably own it because even Diana couldn't stop raving about it. The best part is that is was free.

That is all,

Newt

Cow and Pig - A blissful union

You know when you are in school and the teacher will always ask you, "What's your favorite food?" I hate that question. Invariably, half of the kids would always say Pizza. Get an original thought you stupid second graders.

I only bring this up because I realized today what my favorite food is. I never really gave it much thought but as with most of my really great thoughts, this one just hit me. I love Bacon Cheeseburgers. Now I know that this probably sound like a really generic food and after the lashing I just gave the second grade class of Sam Houston Elementary it may seem lame. However, I realized today that a Bacon Cheeseburger is a meal that I could eat on a consistent basis for the rest of my life and I wouldn't get tired of it.

I really think the Nobel Peace Prize should go to the first guy to put bacon on top of a hamburger patty. When he did it he probably thought, 'This won't catch on' but he would have been so incredibly wrong. The flavors of pork fat and beef fat hovering on a patty, covered in a Kraft single and put on a bun. Well, I may just have to clean myself up after that.

I think we should all share our favorite foods. And if any of you go generic with a food group, I will climb out of this computer and slap the shit out of you.

That is all,

Newt

I'll take The Rapists for $200...

Well, in keeping with the Harry Potter theme, I have a story. I was driving back from picking up some paper for work when the local talk station that I listen to, Live 105.3, said they were going to do a Harry Potter trivia contest. There contests work like this: three callers get paired with a radio personality from there morning show and take turns answering questions.

So I called in and ironically, I got paired with Jasmine. Why is this ironic? Well, Jasmine is the DJ that I bought Diana's engagement ring from. So, here we are, going against two teams and using my knowledge and the fact that Jasmine is a good guesser, we won. And my prizes were...

1. 2 tickets to see Gallagher

2. a 3 disk set of The Doors Live in Boston

3. a $20 gift card to Sonic

4. Movie screening passes to a couple of movies

And, the piece de resistance,

5. A $25 gift card to New Fine Arts

Wait, some of you are asking, what is New Fine Arts? Well, it is a Porn shop here in the Metroplex, with three locations serving you. Sorry, I hear too many of their commercials. So anyone that says that a knowledge of children's literature doesn't pay off, well the next time I am watching my brand new copy of Debbie Does Dallas 2006 I will call that person incorrect.

That is all,

Newt

Alas, Poor Harry. I knew him well.

Well, it's over. I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. It was great and sad. The ending was better than I imagined and I now truly believe that J.K. Rowling won't write anymore of the Harry Potter universe. I read the book for 13 hours strait and finished at 11 o'clock last night. She finished it brilliantly.


We went to the Midnight release party at the neighborhood Borders and I have to say, as a HP fan I am nothing compared to the people that turn out to these things. There were a couple of people that looked way to close to the characters. There was a costume contest that brought out a lot of cute kids and the Borders Cafe' changed there menu to serve some of the drinks that are mentioned in the book series.


I am sad to see Harry Potter leave. I admit to being a complainer when the books were so far apart. I sat around discussing how there was no possible way to wrap up the series and that Rowling was just trying to make a need for more books. But in the end she did it and now I am left with an amazing set of books that do seem to contain some of the very magic that the stories are about.


The series is magical in that it did something that I never considered entirely possible. It made children want to read. I mean really want to read. Diana and I were in line for our book and she asked me "Is there any other book that causes this kind of response?" And the answer is of course "No". All across the world, children lined up to get this book. I think the best example I have seen is on Friday night at 11:59 pm, when the manager of the book store told everyone to make way because the books were being brought out. The cheering and clapping that filled that store was the equivalent to Brad Pitt walking out at a movie premiere. Now that is the power of reading.


That is all,


Muggle Newt

A Horse, A Horse, my Nerd-dom for a Horse

If you read yesterdays post, it was established that I, Newt the Wonder Frog, am King of the Nerds. While Nerds have had Revenge they have yet to have a King. Therefore, I have stepped forward and will rule them all, with my One Ring.

As king, I feel it is my duty to establish my kingdom. And as my loyal readers, let me introduce it to you. My kingdom covers all of America. It is an ever changing landscape but the majority of it is convention centers and strip malls. If you see a sign for Star Trek, Star Wars, Comic books, Gaming, or Porn then you have entered the realm of Newt.

My people are a proud race. We are proud of our comic book collections, proud of our fully recreated helms from the Starship Enterprise that is built in our garages, and proud of our officially licensed Gimli Axe replicas. We range in age from young to old, yet nary a female is in existence.

Yet we are not a perfect people. We too are cursed with incurable acne, halitosis, and B.O. Do not judge us for our faults, for they are the people you call when your computer has an unexpected fatal error. And we are blessed in other ways.

Our mode of transport ranges in the kingdom. We travel by car, bicycle, and bus. A favorite of my people is the White Van. It provides maximum space for traveling to conventions and has easy exit while in various forms of costume.

If you are ever in my kingdom, try to treat my subjects with respect. We can be quite vengeful if provoked and many of my kin are martial arts masters, while others know various forms of Klingon battle techniques.

By royal Decree,

That is all,

King Newt

"My Precious"

Well, I have been MIA for a few weeks and I bet you are all just so curious as to where the heck I have been. Well, you see, I was given this ring...

It seemed like such a magical afternoon. The sun shined through the trees, I heard a wizard speaking of the power of a ring. An Elvish ring that, if forsaken, could bring an end to a kingdom. I was asked if I took the ring and if I would carry it and I said...I Do.

After taking this ring there was much merriment and dance. The mead flowed as I formed my fellowship. Alas, only I and my faithful companion traveled onward. We crossed land and sea to get to a place to keep the ring safe. A vineyard belonging to a wench named Martha was our abode and we constantly traveled the isle.

Alas, our trip was cut short. An evil which shall be called Jarvis reared its ugly head and I was forced home. Oh, how I miss the isles but I will forever remember her luscious lands.

I am now eternally bonded with the One Ring. Even now it keeps a tight grip on my finger. But I will not falter in my promise.

That is all,

The Ring bearer Newt