Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A Horse, A Horse, my Nerd-dom for a Horse

If you read yesterdays post, it was established that I, Newt the Wonder Frog, am King of the Nerds. While Nerds have had Revenge they have yet to have a King. Therefore, I have stepped forward and will rule them all, with my One Ring.

As king, I feel it is my duty to establish my kingdom. And as my loyal readers, let me introduce it to you. My kingdom covers all of America. It is an ever changing landscape but the majority of it is convention centers and strip malls. If you see a sign for Star Trek, Star Wars, Comic books, Gaming, or Porn then you have entered the realm of Newt.

My people are a proud race. We are proud of our comic book collections, proud of our fully recreated helms from the Starship Enterprise that is built in our garages, and proud of our officially licensed Gimli Axe replicas. We range in age from young to old, yet nary a female is in existence.

Yet we are not a perfect people. We too are cursed with incurable acne, halitosis, and B.O. Do not judge us for our faults, for they are the people you call when your computer has an unexpected fatal error. And we are blessed in other ways.

Our mode of transport ranges in the kingdom. We travel by car, bicycle, and bus. A favorite of my people is the White Van. It provides maximum space for traveling to conventions and has easy exit while in various forms of costume.

If you are ever in my kingdom, try to treat my subjects with respect. We can be quite vengeful if provoked and many of my kin are martial arts masters, while others know various forms of Klingon battle techniques.

By royal Decree,

That is all,

King Newt

1 Ripples in the pond:

Thomas said...

I must point out that females do exist in our midst and our lands. However, they are usually the female version of us... unattractive! However, there are those females who have been known to come from a distant land of beauty, who become trapped by the greatest of our sorcerers into loving the personalities of those rarest, most championed, and luckiest of nerds!