Slander

I am pretending to be annoyed with Thomas so I present to you The Slander of Thomas.

Thomas is a loser. He is so stupid he couldn't even get on the special bus. And have you smelled his breath? Whooo!!! I think he must have hypnotized Jessica into marrying him and I am still trying to figure out the secret word that will get her to wise up. I am fairly sure he always has Swamp Ass, at least that is the only explanation that I could come up with for his raunchy odor.

He is a raging hornball in real life. He goes around hooting and hollerin' at all the girls he sees. I think he slept with one of the Jacksons, though I can't tell if it was Micheal or LaToya because they look so similar. What is up with his kumquat fetish? There for a while he used to have them all over his room and I had to sleep downstairs when he really got going.

Finally, he never chews his food all the way. This may not seem that bad, but after he swallows he always asks "Did it go down?" and when you say yes he always replies "That's what she said." Oh, and I know for a fact that three cheerleaders in high school were rumored to be carrying his love children... and they all had the clap. You do the math.

Well, I guess that is enough bullsh...facts for today. Maybe next time, Thomas, you won't be such a loser.

Courage.

Newt