Trivia time

I am in Denver for few days and yesterday I had me a good ole time. Yesterday, after working at one of our Denver plants I joined a group of people from the company in a scratch golf game. I haven't played golf in over a year and this game really proved a point. You can't just start playing golf again.

I made about 3 decent drives and one solid putt. I hit one well enough that it overshot the green and went out into the street. I don't know if I hit a car but I may have. But I redeemed myself later in the evening.

You see, it was $1 taco night in the apartment complex of one of my old coworkers. After the game we headed over to the clubhouse of her complex and when we arrived we discovered they had trivia. I signed us up the second we walked in the door as team Newt the Wonder Frog and oh what a wonder it was.

The game consisted of 5 rounds however we walked in on the 4th question of round 2. The first question got me going as it was "Who sang "I'm too sexy"?" Well I knew that was Right Said Fred and we were off. My coworkers really didn't add much to our game as I knew most of the music, movie and TV questions but they tried and helped on a couple.

By the end of the night, we came in third against 7 other teams. Now that may not sound all that impressive at first glance but our score was 71 points while 2nd place had started at round 1 and had 72 points. 1st came in at 83 points and I know I could have taken it if I had started from round 1. Third place won us a $5 gift card to the bar so my coworker was happy. Had we won 1st we would have had $20. I was a superstar.

That is all,

Newt

This sure has been easy...

"This sure has been easy," I said on Tuesday morning. I was referring to our impending move and sale of our home. We had an offer on our house within 10 days of putting it on the market and things went very well with selecting our new home. The financing worked out in our favor, we got a low interest rate, and we planned to move in on Friday. That is until Wednesday.

Wednesday I was working from the house and got a call from my realtor. "Do you want to schedule a final walk through on your new home?" I had been meaning to set that up so we worked out to go over that afternoon at 4 and make sure everything looked good for our move in. We had appointments to sign our buyer and sellers agreements on Thursday and this was my last chance to see the house before we signed. At 3 I got the call that has been plaguing us ever since.

"Trinity, we have a problem?"
"What's that Dan?"
"It seems the buyers on your home had an issue that will cause them to be unable to close tomorrow. Their agent said it should be fixed tomorrow and we can close on Friday."
"What? Well that isn't good. Do you know what it is?"
"No, but I am going to call around and see what I can find out. This is going to delay me getting to our walk through so I will meet you at 4:30 instead."

At the walk through I learned what happened. There was a gift of some money given to the buyers for the purchase of the home and when that happens you have to declare the gift and get a statement saying it isn't a loan. They didn't do this and thus we were stuck. After talking to my realtor we were told by the buyers that Friday shouldn't be an issue and to expect to close then.

Diana was flying in for this and we had transferred utilities, booked movers, and taken off work to get all of this done. I wasn't happy but one day wasn't going to kill us. I broke the news to her and she landed in Dallas on Wednesday night.

Thursday we heard nothing. The loans were stuck in underwriting and we were waiting. I had moved all of our important things such as movers and installs to Saturday but late in the afternoon we still knew nothing. We went and signed the paperwork on our new home and hoped that Friday afternoon was a possibility.

It ended up not being possible as well. We were out shopping for baby furniture and waiting for news on what was going to happen. When the call came, we were informed of what was holding us up. Somewhere along the way, our current address was spelled Oaks instead of Oak, the buyers wife has a hyphen in her name on some but not all of the documents, and a previous offer the buyers had made on another home that they ended up abandoning after inspection was under question for earnest money. It was now known that the earliest we could close would be Monday and more likely Tuesday or Wednesday.

Diana had to leave town on Saturday morning so we had to go get Power of Attorney to allow me to sign for both of us. I had to rush to reschedule all of our utilities and installs and now the movers have been put on hold again. I had to reschedule a work trip that was supposed to happen on Tuesday and Diana is scrambling to find time to come home and help me move.

So, "This sure has been easy" was the biggest bit of irony I have seen in a while.

That is all,

Newt

People who should be real

I was eating a pack of Chewy Sprees today and a great sadness swept over my body. I realized that Willy Wonka isn't real and then it occurred to me, "I sure wish he was." Why hasn't someone become Willy Wonka? I mean, how hard would it be?

Buy an abandoned factory and convert it to a candy land, hire some midgets to dress up as Oompa Lonpas, and invest heavily in purple suede suits. Then you can just live out your days floating along a chocolate river and drinking dew from edible cups of sugar.

Someone has to have the money to do this. Rich people spend their money on stupid stuff all the time. I just want to walk through those awesome iron gates and have a apparently crippled man walk out so I can watch him take a tumble and then welcome me to his home. Is that too much to ask?

That is all,

Newt

Aged, like a fine wine

I am closing in on 28 and it appears my body is falling apart already. Not sure why but I would guess it has just passed the warranty period and now will begin to fall apart rapidly and with resounding disappointment.

Three weeks ago I got out of my truck and my knee was injured. "Did you get hit by a car like a real man?" you ask. No, I literally just swung my legs out of the truck and when my right leg hit the ground I had a sharp pain in my knee joint and it has progressed nicely into a dull pain and massive amounts of swelling. It makes getting up a bitch too. Imagine a turtle on his back and you can get a decent idea. I have spent the last few nights having this conversation with myself and/or Diana if she is in town.

"I think my knee is swollen. It looks bigger. At least I think it looks bigger. Maybe it is in my head but it really feels swollen. I definitely think it is swollen." I then stand and look at it in the mirror and try to compare my two knees. Since they are both kind of fat and scarred up from years of neglect they look almost the same.

Oh, and the greatest moment of my life happened last night. I had to buy my first tube of Preparation H. Yep, that's right. I have a nice anal burning that needed the soothing that only a small tube of yellowish gel could quench. I say quench because that is the best description for the feeling of having gel in your anal cavity for hours on end. I had the continual feeling of having sharted.

I got doubly lucky because when I went to buy The H I got the embarrassment pleasure of having to buy the tube from a woman. When I saw her I just decided I should walk up and say "Yep, I have anal itch and sharp pain in my rectum but you already knew that due to this extremely embarrassing purchase I am making." Instead I just avoided eye contact and hoped The H shrinks embarrassment with the same gusto as my butt hole.

That is all,

Newt