Thursday, April 29, 2010

What-A-Crock of $#!+

The one problem I have with travelling is that on Wednesday’s, when new comic books come out, I am away from my home shop and can’t do my Comic Book Day ritual. That is that I go get my comics at lunch, head across the street, and grab a Whataburger with bacon and cheese. I then sit in a state of bliss for the next 20-30 minutes as I eat my meal and read a couple of comics. I make due when travelling by finding the closest comic shop and visit on Wednesday to pick up a single issue so as not to tempt the comic gods. You must make your weekly sacrifice of $3.

As I was driving into Columbia on Sunday I was dumbfounded to find something so disgusting, so utterly shocking that it makes every tabloid rumor, every American Idol results show, dare I say even every Telenovela dramatic reveal pale in comparison. Some sonofabitch in Columbia, South Carolina has defiled the Whataburger.

I know, I know. I almost shit my pants with disgust when I saw this blatant disregard for decency. The sign says “Since 1954” and after some fact checking I confirmed that Whataburger was established in 1950 which means that this pitiful excuse for a human being is a thief.
I went undercover today to find out how deep this conspiracy goes. My coworker and I went to eat lunch at this imitation and my level of disgust deepened when I stepped into the door. Look at these combos:

#1: What A Burger (What A Crock is more like it)
#2: What A Burger w/cheese (Yeah, that’s original)
#3: Double What A Burger (Double Suck my ass you copycat)
#4: Double What A Burger w/cheese (Now you just put cheese on my ass so you could keep sucking it)
#5: 8 inch Philly Cheese Steak (This is blasphemy. At least have the decency to copy everything. You probably didn’t have time to write down the combos as you were running away from the flavor police)
#6: 4 oz Ribeye Steak Sandwich (That one sounds kind of tasty.)

I tried a regular burger just for safety sake. The food itself wasn’t bad but it wasn’t the caliber of food that a Whataburger loyalist would come to expect from the name Whataburger.

And look at this drink. This is minute. I could drink that in one gulp. Come On! I guess Fancy Ketchup would be too much to ask for?

I can’t believe what this world has come to. Shame, shame!

That is all,


4 Ripples in the pond:

Addy's Daddy said...

Fancy ketchup, you make me feel special, with your practical square shape. I'm pretty sure that if Chil-Fil-A would replicate that rather than the packets of catsup, it would be the best fast flood place ever!

Girl Interrupted said...

Their sign clearly gives away what they're REALLY up to ...


Yep. Illegal blackmarket organs for sale.

Shocking. You should call the FBI or the CIA or the YMCA, or something.

Soda and Candy said...

Shades of "Coming to America", anyone?

That's kind of hilarious.

I love dollar store knockoffs actually. Like the Native American girl doll called Cosocahontas, or the yellow cartoonish boy figurine of Burt Simson.

Trinity said...

Addy's- Clearly you mean second greatest as Whataburger already has the top spot.

GI, Maybe that is why he asked if I had a heart? I thought he was just picking up my angry thoughts but maybe he was trying to sell me something.

S&C - I looooveee going to the Dollas Store to find out who stole copyrighted material and made crappy knock offs of it.