Thursday, January 31, 2008


What the hell does the title of the new movie 'Cloverfield' mean? It is the exit J.J. Abrams takes when he goes into the office. This flick is a hell of a ride. I am writing this right after I went to see the movie tonight.

I loved the premise of this movie and from beginning to end I was on the edge of my seat. The action is perfect, the suspense is amazing, and the bouts of fright are just enough to make you want more. Here is the trailer if you have been living under a rock.

The premise is pretty widely known so I don't think I am going to be giving anything away by revealing that. Pretty much, a giant monster comes out of the NY harbor and begins attacking the city. The entire thing is told through the eyes of a handheld video camera that is found after the attack.

There is a going away party for one of the main characters and when the monster attacks we get a POV video that is intense and left me satisfied. I will say that some people at the end didn't seem to happy with the way the film ended. Screw them though because it was magnificent. Oh, and the monster does not disappoint and could easily beat the shit out of Godzilla and Mothra and they ain't no pushovers.

Go see this. If you were able to watch 'The Blair Witch Project' then you will probably be fine. I can't recommend this enough. I will probably go see it again and I don't usually take in second viewings of movies.

That is all,


Sunday, January 20, 2008


I was just bothering Diana by smacking my gum when she asked me to quit and it made me start to laugh. As soon as I did, I let the slightest toot that made me laugh even harder. I like to call this phenomenon a Giggle-Toot.

I think everyone has been afflicted with this. I know Diana has. Funny story...I don't remember why but Diana started laughing, this was years ago, and when she did she had a Giggle-Toot. Well, she thought that the GT was so funny that it made her laugh harder which caused an even longer GT that may or may not have been classified as a Giggle-Fart. Well, the GF? made her laugh even harder and well, I think you can see where this went. By the end of her fourth GT she had me laughing so hard that I cried.

I think that if there is a God then He/She/It has to have a sense of humor because anything that can make humanity laugh with a little air coming from the gluteous maximus has to have a funny bone.

That is all,

Toot, er I mean Newt

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Terrifying case of the Gnome-Goblin

Last night Diana and I stumbled across a terrifying scene. I went to turn my bed lamp on and it wouldn't light. I checked the plug and the power before realizing that the light bulb had been almost completely unscrewed from the socket. I knew it could only be one culprit...The Gnome-Goblin.

I told my lady that we had been hit by this nefarious imp. Lo and behold, Diana didn't know of the Gnome-Goblin. Thus I had to tell her it's story.

For those of you who don't know, a Gnome-Goblin is a magical creature of mischief. A byproduct of a gnome and a goblin, these creatures mixed the goodness of a gnome with the evil of a goblin and created a problem creature. While not evil, Gnome-Goblins are always causing trouble. Their favorite prank...unscrewing light bulbs.

Diana was surprised to hear of this creature. Her main concern was preventing the problem from happening again. Naturally, I told her how the easiest way to stop a Gnome-Goblin was to sprinkle lemon juice all around the house. She didn't seem to understand why this would deter the felon from attacking again.

You see, Gnome-Goblins are vain. They have very delicate teeth with extremely sensitive enamel. If lemon juice gets on their teeth, the enamel rots off and their teeth fall out instantly. This leaves them scared for life and they are wary of anything with a high acidic level. Thus, lemon juice scares the daylights out of them.

My wife then asked if we could just spray lemon Pledge in which I could only reply, "Diana, now you are just being ridiculous."

That is all,


Monday, January 14, 2008

Television: the new exercise equipment

Well, I hit a wall today at the gym. I have successfully gone to the gym 5 of the last 7 days and have spent 30 minutes on the gym each day. I have accomplished this miracle due to the fact that there is a little TV on every machine and I can watch a half hour and forget that my fat butt is really sweating and thrusting my legs forward at an alarming rate.

So today I went in and, because Monday is one of the busiest days to work out, every machine with a TV was taken. So I found an open elliptical and started my workout. I made it 5 minutes. It wasn't that I was tired, it was that I was to worried about the time. I was bored. I had to stop and wait for a machine to open up.

I went and worked on some arm strengthening to kill time. I finally found an open TV and even then I only made it 15 minutes. In my defence, the last guy that was on there didn't wipe the machine down and it looked like he had peed all over it. It had an aroma of B.O. that I just couldn't stand. Well, that's my gym rant. This is what happens when I actually try to work out.

That is all,


Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bombay Dreams

I had a sobering experience yesterday. The retail outlet Bombay is closing its doors and their corporate headquarters is in Ft. Worth. All of the retail stores have been having Going out of Business sales and yesterday we heard that the corporate offices were selling all of their office furniture. So we went to the offices to look around.

I don't know if anyone has ever stolen from a dying man but we walked around two floors of offices where people were still working and a guy was trying to sell us desks that people were still using. It was eerie. The workers seemed cool about it though. There was an air of decay in the building. Everything, and I do mean everything had price tags on it. Cubicles, vases, copiers, hell even the microwave had a tag.

We found some interesting things. Half of the offices had desks from the stores in them so every office looked like something out of a 1940's cabana. It was very overdone.

Today, I went to the floor model sale because we are trying to furnish our front reception area. The amount of fine furnishings at ridiculous prices was astounding. I got a pants caddie.

That is all,


Monday, January 07, 2008

My name is GYM

Well, I am officially a member of a GYM!?! I decided a few weeks ago that it is probably time to do something about my weight. I look at fat people and think, "How did they let themselves get so big?" and then dig back in to my Whataburger bag.

I know that I am over the weight I need to be at so I joined a gym near our house. I went today for the first time and took advantage of one of the selling points of the gym. They have personal TVs on all of their elliptical and treadmills. I was able to do 30 minutes on an elliptical which is the longest I have every stayed on one of those Iron Maidens.

I plan on sticking with this for a while to get back down to my sexy weight of 195-200. Mainly, I just want my body to stop looking like I ate a box of Lime Jello. I even went and bought workout shorts. Their silver.

That is all,