I'm Excelling

Well, I had an interesting Friday. By the way, the definition of interesting has changed to...

def: slow, time consuming, and causing a person to want to stab their eyes out and stick them in their ears.

So, "interesting" day, I spent the majority of my Friday sitting in a Microsoft Excel training class to better understand the functions of Excel 2007. It was lead by an "interesting" man who was very knowledgeable in the ways of Excel.

This just in, the word knowledgeable's definition has been updated for 2008.

def: fat idiot who doesn't know what the hell he is talking about and has to have the class help him do his job by doing exercises that aren't correct and making me help figure out what he is doing wrong. - Noun.

I was in class from 9 to 3:15 with an hour and fifteen minute lunch and a 2:45 cookie break. Somehow I am not sure my company spent their money wisely on this purchase. Some of the more interesting tidbits from the training.

1. The girl next to me offered me a Banana Nut muffin. I refused but the gesture was nice and we heckled the teacher quietly.
2. I was able to eat at Freebird's for lunch.
3. Leaving early is nice.
4. Did I mention cookie time?

I pretty much wasted my day yesterday and got maybe 5 pieces of information I will use. The teacher was a man of girth whose back jeans pockets only see each other when they are folded in a drawer because they are facing different hemispheres when they are worn and he waddled. Who waddles anymore? That is so last year.

So if anyone needs to know something about Excel, give my teacher a call and then he will call me and we can get you an answer on that.

That is all,

Newt

Nice is the new mean

I have been so nice to Diana the last couple of days and it is a trying experience. I am not trying to say that she makes it hard to be nice to her or that I have a hard time being nice to her but for the last two days I have made it a point to really put my best foot forward. The most trying part about the entire thing is my need to say shitty comments and point out if someone or something is wrong.

Throughout the weekend, I have been really pleasant. I went shopping for two days...in a row. I let Diana buy whatever she wanted and while in the mall, I didn't complain about boredom, hurt feet, sleepiness or the time. I picked out a new bathing suit for her, and she listened to me and bought it. I shared a Blizzard and fed her as she shopped. And I did this all in public.

We really got back to the basics of our relationship Diana getting her way and me trying not to be too much of a smart ass.

That is all,

Newt

I'm Gonna Hurl

So, I was recently at the Emerald City ComicCon in Seattle a couple of weekends ago and got a few more pieces in my series of comic book characters that are vomitting. A gentleman named Andy Kuhn who is a comic book artist has a fun little schtick that he does at conventions. He will draw your favorite comic character throwing up.

Well, I couldn't pass this up so last November at Wizard World Texas, I got him to draw me an Iron Man that was hilarious. He was also at this years Cape Free Comic day in Dallas where I decided to get the entire founding Avengers Lineup hurling. I got him to draw me a Hulk and a Thor to add to the collection. I also knew he would be in Seattle as well so I got him to finish off the founding Avengers lineup with a Captain America and a Ant Man and Wasp. Below are the works of art.

That is all,

Newt

Godfather Part 2

I am officially a Godfather and boy are my arms tired. Just kidding. That is the end of a really lame joke that little kids tell all the time, and 1950s comedians. On May 7th, Addison Ray Reynolds, aka "Addition", came into the world and I was so busy that I couldn't rush to Lubbock to see her. I am aware that this will probably leave emotional scars that Thomas and Jessica will force me to pay for therapy to correct. I am starting the savings account now.

I met my baby...er I mean my Goddaughter on Saturday morning and she was so excited about the event that she immediately passed out and didn't regain consciousness all weekend. Luckily, I was there to hold her, and hold her I did, hence the arms being tired. See it all comes back together. Also, we had a monumental bonding experience as I was with her for her first trip to Spanky's. Ah, memories.

She is the most precious little pile of skin and bones around. She is such a sweet little thing. Her head rolls around if you aren't careful and let me just tell you, if you have ever seen a little humans head flop back like dumpster lid that you open to fast, well it definitely makes your butt hole clench.

I already miss spending time with her but at least her memory is not top notch yet so she will probably not remember that I am not around much. Clearly, I will be spending a lot more time in the Hub City from now on.

That is all,

Newt

The Goon

I need to make a recommendation to anyone who reads comics or likes slightly perverse humor. I picked up a new graphic novel of a comic book called The Goon. It is about this strongman who runs the crime in a small town and aided by his foul mouthed sidekick, Frankie, he rules the city.

Now this may not sound funny but here are some of the things the Goon encounters.

1. The Goon fights a scientist that accidentally covered himself in gold and his name is Dr. Alloy. He is misunderstood because all he wants is people to eat his creamed corn.

2. The Goon battles the Zombie King and his horde of slack jaws. Mostly by running over them and setting them on fire.

3. The Goon gets turned into a giant gorilla and fights a giant lizard that only speaks Spanish. Not sure what the lizard says but he says it loud.

Also added in is a random retelling of "A Christmas Story" with the Goon and crew as the characters, a man who is the opposite of the Zombie who is named the Buzzard and feeds on zombie flesh to stay alive, and flashbacks of the Goon in his life in the circus.

I was surprised by how good this book has been. I am going to get to meet the creator, Eric Powell when I go to Seattle this weekend. I recommend everyone go to their favorite books store to pick this up. I know you won't but at least I tried.

That is all,

Newt