Sunday, February 03, 2008

In Deep Doo Doo

You know what I think is one of the scariest instances that commonly occurs? Not scary in the sense of danger or death, just a creepy feeling that can overtake you. It's that 5 seconds between flushing and that gulping sound the toilet makes when you make a courtesy flush.

I thought of this today on an alarmingly massive grunt I was making. These occasionally happen and when they do, I usually flush about half way through to avoid creating a mountain in my bowl. But, every time I do one of these there is a 5 second haunting that occurs because my mind automatically wonders, "Will the toilet clog"?

Think about it. What would you do? Imagine if you will:
You are sitting on the toilet crapping and notice that maybe it is time for a flush to reboot the toilet. You reach back, hit the switch and instead of that reassuring 'Floosh' you look down and see brown water rising. What do you do, WHAT DO YOU DO?

I don't know. I am blessed that this has never happened to me. You are pretty much screwed no matter what happens.

Situation A: you stand up without wiping, try to get your pants up, and find a plunger before the poop volcano overflows. If all of that is successful, you still have to try to plunge the mess before it overflows, and as we have all experienced, plunging a toilet isn't the easiest thing to do. And it's definitely not the cleanest.

Situation B: You don't look down in time and your private area takes a brown bath. The gravy starts overflowing from between the seat and bowl and your clothes get a new kind of rinse. You panic, stand up and start traipsing through the muck trying to find the plunger. The rest is pretty much the same as Situation A.

Either way, this is gross.

That is all,

Newt

4 Ripples in the pond:

Mom-in-law said...

Only you Trinity Only YOu!

Diana said...

I obviously need to come home so you have better things to think about than clogging the toilet.

Trinity said...

Yes, you do need to come home. I am starting to loose it.

Thomas said...

That is one of the funniest posts that you have ever had! I can't breath....