Guitar Hero - Stage 1

Well, a couple of weeks ago I bought Guitar Hero III and I have put in quite a bit of time in on the game. Well, today I have beaten the Easy setting of Guitar Hero III. That's right, calm down everyone. I know how excited you must all be to hear this news but this is not the end. There are still three levels to go.

What does beating the easy stage mean. It means I played 42 pulse pounding songs, slamming down the red, green and blue keys to some awesome rock songs. The end is a battle with the Devil himself and guess what song I had to beat him with? Anybody? That's right, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia". He was hard competition but in the end I spanked him.

I plan on strumming up to the next level soon but my fingers need a rest. After unlocking all those songs, I am going to need a few days off.

Rock on,

Newt

The Misadventures of Duncan and Hazel - Sweet Fang

Imagine...

Duncan and Hazel are sitting around the house. Hazel, in her infinite curiosity starts investigating the Target bag sitting on the fireplace.


H: Duncan, guess what?
D: What? Hazel, you know you shouldn't be messing around in that bag.
H: Damn D, you have got to lighten up. There is some tasty treats in here.
D: Hazel. You know your ass is going to get busted and I will probably get blamed.
H: Yeah, but it will totally be worth it.


Duncan and Hazel proceed to tear open an entire bag of Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses.


D: Should we be eating these?
H: I don't see why not.
D: I don't know, isnt this stuff bad for us?
H: I don't know, and I don't care. Check this out, I am wired.
D: Quit running around. Stop biting me. Calm Down Dammit!!!
H: I can't. Whooo hooo!!!!!!!


Diana came home to find the entire bag gone. Foil wrappers littered the floor. Asses were made pink and doggie doo turned white.


That is all,


Newt

Shot Down

A couple of days ago, a woman in my office brought me something that I felt the need to share with my readers. There is a new thing in the world for all of those people who feel like a cup of coffee just isn't a fast enough way to get their morning jolt of caffeine. A company called Whitewave has created a company called Stok.

Stok is a coffee creamer that contains the equivalent of one shot espresso and has a warning limit of two shots a day. So, by adding this creamer to your normal coffee cup, you too can act like Richard Simmons after a Bedazzling class. Now, I don't drink coffee very often so when this came along so I felt like I would be the perfect baseline.

Now, I had a misconception about this product that I didn't find out is false until after I consumed this. When it says a shot, it is meant to be poured in your coffee and not treated like tequila at a sorority party. I didn't realize that and had quite a flavor shock.

This is not recommended.

That is all,

Newt

Ribbed, for my pleasure

Well, guess who's back. Back Again. McRib's Back. Tell a friend. No this isn't the newest Eminem hit. That damn sandwich the McRib is back on another Farewell tour, Number 3 to be precise, and I for one am getting pretty tired of it.

Firstly, I have never eaten one because the idea of rib meat from McDonald's doesn't sound very appealing. Plus, I am getting very tired of this marketing campaign that is pretending it's going away. I really thought it was and wasn't to happy when it showed up again last year. Secondly, I can already see what will happen next. There will be a reunion tour for the dumb thing and it will all start over again.

But, being the well rounded journalist (finger quotes) that I am, I went and sampled the Goliath that I wish slain. My lady love an I voyaged to McDonald's last week so I could finally say that I successfully digested one of these things.

Dammit! It tastes good. Who the hell saw that coming. The barbecue sauce was smokey, the pickles sweet, the rib meat edible. I am still not convinced that the rib meat wasn't just shredded pork but who cares? I enjoyed it. GOD WHY?

I'm not saying I will eat one again but I am now in an uncomfortable position. Can I go on hating something that I don't really hate even though I feel I should hate it? Is it acceptable for me to continue loathing the existence of a sandwich that actually has a riby goodness to it? I don't know who I am anymore.

That is all,

Newt

We Don't Need No Education

We stumbled accross proof yesterday that the public skool system is working in full swing. Diana and I we're driving along near our house and went buy one of the local schools.

I was staring out the window when I looked and noticed the sign out front looked incorrect. We turned around and went back to the skool so I could snap a picture of what we saw.

I am not sure who was responsible for the spelling errors on the Marshall Durham Middle School sign but I will say that as a hole, this is completely unacceptable. Not only does it show that the skool system is failing in Lewisville, but it also insults veterans.

I was shocked when I saw the sign and the irony in it is just amazing. Are we really living in a society that would tolerate this? I think that if I were a parent and was that the school my child attends had that sign outside, I would march into the Principals office and ask them what kind of facility they were running. It may be a kids idea of a prank but for it to be there on a Saturday shows a complete disregard for education.

I was a product of the Midland public skool system and I turned out O.K. so I can only hope this is an isolated incodent.

That is all,

Newt

Ophidiophobia - Now for the Holidays

Well, Halloween has come and gone we got a very scary Halloween Fright on Wednesday. While passing out candy to a cute little boy dressed like a shark, we had a snake climb across our door step. You read right, as I sit here typing this I shudder at the thought. A huge snake with big fangs and vicious eyes* popped up as the little kid was standing there. His mother pulled him away and we backed up. They left but the python decided to come inside our house.

Diana was fairly spooked but I was like a 14 year old girl at a Hollister sale. I screamed and jumped and I might even have peed myself a little bit. DON'T JUDGE ME!!! I didn't know exactly how to respond but it was clear we had to get it out of the house. Diana held the dogs back while I ran outside and grabbed the dog's pooper scooper. It has a claw that I thought I could use to pick up the snake and throw it outside.

It actually went back under the door and we thought we were ok but it was like one of those inbred genes. You think it is gone but it shows up when you least expect it and it is never good to have around. That f-ing snake came right back in and then got stuck under the door.

I opened the door and let him out and was going to try to catch him but, little did I know, there is a hole in our brick right next to the front door and the snake climbed inside of it. I still don't know where it is. I never saw it come back out and I'm not sure that there isn't a way that it can't get back into the house. All I know is snakes crave heat in the winter and I haven't slept well since. I know if I were looking for warmth, I might shoot through the attic, come into the bedroom, and climb underneath some nice toasty sheets.

Halloween sucks,

Newt

*the snake was actually a small garden snake that was probably not poisonous.