The Chronicles of Pornia

Last night was a first for my wife. I took her to a porn shop. In a previous post I told of how during a radio contest for Harry Potter, I won a gift certificate to a porn store. Well last night it got redeemed and my lovely wife decided to go with me to spend it.


Once there, I learned a few things about my wife.

1. She has never seen a porn video

2. She didn't know what a cock ring was

3. She thought all porn had a story


The place we went is called New Fine Arts and it is very popular in Dallas. It is actually a well lit, clean store with private viewing booths and, from what Diana said, clean restrooms. It had a huge selection and you don't really grasp the girth of the Porn industry until you enter one of these places.


We spent about an hour walking around and pointing out interesting things. You can purchase silicone ass or vagina replicas of some of your favorite porn stars. There was a machine that had a bar that you could attach a multitude of attachments to for pleasure, and there was such a variety of dildos, lubes, pumps and condoms that it boggles my mind as to how many sexual devices are out there.


Another interesting event was reading movie titles. I think the most surreal moment I had was when I was reading titles aloud to Diana and came across "Cum Guzzlers Vol 5." I actually read that aloud, within earshot of other people and did not feel at all out of the ordinary in doing so.


I will keep what was purchased out of the blogosphere but it was nothing too racy. I was told, however, that I was not allowed to get a sex swing.


That is all,


Newt

Oh What a Night...Pt 2

Well, we can continue our journey into the night of Greek and Geek by telling you about the comic book art show. After finishing up our Gyros we headed to Titan Comics, the greatest comic book store I have been to, and I have been to a lot of comic book stores.

They were serving alcohol and snacks so we went in and grabbed a can of wine. Wait, did I just say can? That's right. In a night for trying new things, we found out that some company makes carbonated wine in a can. It is about the size of a grapefruit juice can and comes with a straw. It wasn't too bad if you didn't use the straw but I don't think I will ever drink it again.

Luckily, they had bottled wine so me and my lady friends partook slightly, I more than they. I am a glutton when I am not fitting the bill so even the cheap donated wine was good. There were two bands playing throughout the night but the comic book store wasn't the greatest venue as sound doesn't travel well.

The auction was at the end of the night and by then I had already put silent bids on a few items. I got an awesome Scott Kurtz sketch of Spider-man and Spider Woman that is now hanging in my room. I also picked up a new art page of Spider-man. All in all I walked out spending $90. The girls didn't have much fun but I did, and 33% is not a bad rate of return.

Now that is all,

Newt

Oh, What a Night...Pt 1

I have been meaning to post on an evening that Erin, Diana and myself shared recently. Wait a minute. You perverts, that's not what I am talking about. Get your minds out of the gutter. Jeez!


The night I am talking about is when I dragged Erin & Diana to a mediocre comic auction to benefit the Hero Foundry. It was to benefit the charity's rebuilding efforts after flooding washed them out of their building. I will post on the Art Show/Auction later but today I will discuss what happened before we went.


Dammit, stop trying to make this a dirty event. I mean, it does involve Greek but that shouldn't put your mind in a dirty hole. We went to eat Greek food at Stratos. You Love It, Baby! I have never experienced a Gyro but I had one that night. For the few of you who don't know, gyro is a Greek work meaning Taco. It contained a sauce that I was hesitant about but what the hell, I ate it.


What made this evening special was that there was a belly dancing show right in front of our table. There were two women and they were scantily clad. I have never seen a live belly dance so the awe in my face was pretty apparent. The girl in Green and the girl in Red were the two dancers.


I was afraid we needed to tip them but wasn't sure if that was an insult. But then the money dance came up and I was forced to put a dollar down the side of this woman's skirt. She smelled nice though. The entire event was awkward for me but it was fun to watch. I will admit that I tried to belly dance for Diana the next day but it didn't have the same effect.


That isn't all,


Newt

Dinner with an old friend

On Wednesday, I had a mouth orgasm during dinner. Do you want to know why? Because we now have the greatness that is Rosa's Cafe only 10 minutes from our house. We stumbled across this on Wednesday morning after dropping my truck off at the Ford dealership for repairs. We missed our exit and got turned around when all of a sudden a huge pink billboard appeared on the side of the road.

It said Rosa's Cafe 3 miles. 3 MILES!!! Do you know what that means. I am welling up with tears just thinking about that delicious Queso. Oh, and those chips. This is like a dream come true topped with Christmas and sprinkled with sex. That's how good this is.

I am amazed at how Karma has given me this treasure. Shangri La is now a county away.

That is all,

Newt

Toilet Humor

Here is a funny story that is somewhat gross. As Diana and I went upstairs to go to bed we started our nighttime bathroom ritual of brushing teeth, taking out contacts, etc. I normally go pee right before bed but felt a slight movement coming so I sat to pee just in case I needed to do more than urinate.

Having lived with my wife for a number of years, it has become commonplace for the two of us to do disgusting things in front of each other. As I was sitting on the toilet letting a multitude of poots fly, she stood in front of me and we started having a conversation. A few seconds in, I don't remember the topic we were discussing, and she started laughing. I looked at her kind of funny because what I had just said wasn't humorous and she told me "You know you are comfortable with each other when you can have a conversation with your husband while he is wiping his ass."

I couldn't agree more.

That is all,

Newt

Billy the Bookcase says Hello

Well, this is embarrassing. After all my talk, I realigned some priorities this week and have come to the conclusion that I need to hold off on getting my new shed. After discussing it with my wife and pricing them out, it doesn't seem financially feasible for now. Sorry to all those who ran out to buy me gift cards to get a shed.

However, the realignment has opened up a wealth of possibility for me as I am now the proud owner of a brand new set of bookshelves. We drove out to Ikea, the land of oak, pine and Norsemen, to get a set of Bookcases named Billy. All day Saturday was spent constructing piece A into slot B but in all I completed my task and it looks freakin' awesome. I also started rearranging my room and have since become embroiled in the art of mat making.

Its like Extreme Makeover: Library Edition. MOVE THAT SHELVE!!! I want a bullhorn. I think I may be realigning my Fung Shui or something because now when I am in my room, I feel at peace. Actually, that is bull. My anal retentiveness won't let me stop thinking about what it looks like in there. It is still very cluttered overall but I am about to do some more work tonight and I after that, I won't be able to recognize the place.

That is all,

Newt