Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Not the face, Not the Face

I have been taking more fruit in my lunches lately and every time I go to eat a peach, all I want to do is hurl it at someone. While this in and of itself is disturbing, the main thing this brings to mind is a random question. If you had to, would you rather be hit in the face by a peach, a banana or a kiwi?

Please state your reasons.

That is all,


Sunday, August 24, 2008

Maybe later...

Isn't it funny how you will have something to do but can't bring yourself to do it. Then when you finally break down and do whatever it is you need to, you want to kick yourself for being such a lazy ass.

Right now, I am avoiding mowing my yard, giving the dog a haircut, and cataloging my comics. I have forgone these things which need to be done and instead have chosen reading, surfing the Internet, and I am considering playing Nintendo.

Did people do this in the old days. Did Farmer Joe wake up and avoid getting on his tractor? Did the inn keeper dottle in the kitchen to avoid changing sheets? Did the village idiot do a crossword instead of his duty of flinging poop at passers by?

I tell myself to quit being a procrastinator but I don't have it in me. I just can't make myself do work today.

That is all,


Tuesday, August 05, 2008

What Would Jesus Read

I was reading Fight Club today on my throne when I had a stunning hypothetical that I want to know feedback on. This springs from a foray into the Gigantic Half Price Books store in Dallas.

Lets just say God comes down and says, "I feel that I screwed up a little by giving you guys so much free will. So, I have decided to put limits on the human race. I am going to have to grandfather everyone in on this rule so to be a kind God, I am going to let you choose 5 authors and you will only be able to read the books that they have written for all eternity. If they write something new, you can read it but otherwise you are stuck with the choices you make." What would you do?

I would say, "God, that is a right perplexing problem but I think I can do that. My Five choices are:(in no particular order)

Ray Bradbury because his catalog is extensive and he covers multiple genre. His Sci-Fi is great, his prose is intelligent and his madcap style is hilarious.

Chuck Palaniuk because he never writes the same thing twice, he is consistently creative and he has a twisted mind that breathes fresh air into his stories.

Kurt Vonnegut because he saw the world with eyes that I wish I could have glimpsed out of and he pushes points with humor that most people can't get across with facts.

Neil Gaiman because he writes with a bit of sophistication but not with too much seriousness.

And finally, I guess I would have to finish the list with

J.R.R. Tolkien because if I am to be limited to 5 authors, let one of them be so creative as to have written a world, not just a story.

Then I would tell God how nice it was to make his acquaintance and go take all of my other books to the designated spot for relocation.

So, put yourself in front of God and ask yourself, What Would Jesus Read.

That is all,


Monday, August 04, 2008

What in Stagnation?

Well, things have been a little predictable around the lily pad the last few weeks and I have been trying to break out of the funk. Two things are being done to accomplish this.

First, I started reading Fight Club. No, that doesn't mean I am going to sell all of my stuff and go live in a house with a bunch of guys that are going to ritualistically beat me and I, in turn, them. No, this is significant for one reason: I have been afraid to read it.

Now I know what you are thinking..."Why are you afraid of a book?" Simple answer: Expectations. I have read almost every Chuck Palahniuk book written except his newest couple and Fight Club. Brad Pitt and Edward Norton opened my eyes to Palahniuk. I have been creeped out, turned on, and cranked up over his writings, and the Big Daddy of his books has always been Fight Club. Therefore I didn't want to have an inkling of disappointment in it so even tough I own a signed copy of it from a meeting a few years ago with Chuck, I still haven't cracked it.

That all changed yesterday. I am breaking down the smallest of walls in my library. Maybe there is a speck of knowledge to be gained from the thing that I just couldn't handle until now. Maybe I won't be afraid to take a punch to the face(who am I kidding? Not the face!!!). Hell, I could even hate it and have put all this time into something for no payoff. Occupo Libri.

The second thing is I have started writing again. I got this odd quote in my head a few days ago and I went out the next day for a composition notebook and have been writing ever since. Some is nonsense, there is a story of some sort mixed in, and there are many random thoughts that need somewhere to go. No matter, it is good to put a pen to paper. And I am writing in pen which is about the most uncharacteristic thing I have taken to doing.

I have to figure that if you don't mix up the batter of life, you just end up with a shitty tasting cake.

That is all,